DH's therapist hit it right on the head. "You are one of the biggest hedonists I have ever met."
Wow. I never really knew there was a word for it. But, if you're not sure what it means, a hedonist is "a person whose life is devoted to the pursuit of pleasure and self-gratification." That's DH. Since about 2005 it's been "all about DH, all the time". And if, in the process of making himself feel good, he can make me happy too, then so be it. But most of the time, it's just all about him. And food to make him feel good. And cigarettes (I don't remember if I told you that I require that he roll his own cigarettes now but I still buy the tobacco). And candy. And pop. And money. And anything else, apparently, that he can do to make himself feel good.
I could tell that it bothered DH to hear this about himself. I could also tell that he was expecting me to say something like "well, that's not really true..." But what I said was "Wow! He's got it! And he figured that out in 4 weeks? It took me a lot longer than that!" Hehe. I shouldn't laugh, but really....that therapist must be a sharpie!
I've been trying (in a gentle way) to ask myself what that says about me. Maybe I have a martyr complex. Maybe I'm just so laid back I don't care. Or maybe I just choose to believe that he can't help it and it's his mental illness.
See, that's the problem I have all the time--which of his behaviors are choices he makes, and which ones are due to his mental illness and can't be helped? I really struggle with this, nearly every day. I wish I could talk to that therapist of his. But I'm sure that'd be a conflict of interest.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Bipolar Hedonist
Posted by Carol at 1:20 AM
Labels: bipolar, enabling, mental illness, therapy
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4 comments:
Your problem is co-dependency. You might give Al-Anon a try.
I'm happy to see you're back and doing OK! Sorry to read about your dogs. I've had a couple cats die over the past couple years and it is such a heartbreaker. Then a new feral cat shows up, pregnant. . . you know the rural routine!
I have bipolar, and most of the behavior problems you describe on this blog are NOT bipolar symptoms. Bipolar gets blamed for everything. Bipolar-caused behaviors should be intermittent, and severe only when the moods are at their very worst. Symptoms you have described on the blog are mostly this hedonism (good word!)selfishness and medication side effects.
My thrifty tip (can't help myself!) is - do you know your dh can grow his own tobacco? Apparently it's grown just like tomatoes and easy and good. You dry it like basil - hang it upside down in an outbuilding, and I'll bet your outdoor kitties keep the mice down so cleanliness won't be an issue. Pinetree Seeds sells tobacco seeds. I usually don't mention this to people because I think smoking is extremely harmful. I have forgotten if you have a garden. Apparently it can be grown in pots, but potting soil can add up (I mix my own now, but it's still pricey in big pots).
Wow. I think I amy be a hedonist! I do tend to do things based on my own happiness first. I guess I feel like everyone is responsible for their own happiness. How can my wife base her happiness on me or what I do? I tell her that she has to make herself happy first.
AM I selfish?
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