Wednesday, October 16, 2013

One of Many Bipolar Updates-- Attitude Adjustment

Hi Everyone, I wanted to send out a special thanks to anyone who might still be reading this blog--I'm still here and still thinking about everything I always want to say to all of you. The thing is, that my full-time job became a 5-day-a-week job, and then working the weekend job too, there wasn't time to update, and when there was, I just felt like pretending everything would go away.

I see that the last time I updated the blog was nearly a year ago. Since then, things have changed, of course, and yet, things have really stayed the same more than anything.

Probably the thing I wanted to share the most with you is that I had an attitude adjustment relating to DH's bipolar. I'm not sure if it was the new hormones I had started on, or just my brain clicking into gear, but almost overnight I realized that I had to do some things differently. I thought a great deal about this blog and acknowledged to myself that I have been doing a lot of whining and complaining, and while it might show some people that they aren't alone, if their loved one(s) act like DH, it doesn't really help anyone, and it doesn't improve my situation either. Once I made that realization, I decided to write down some goals Some of my goals were:
1) stop using credit cards under any circumstances (so far I have succeeded for this year!)
2) Create better boundaries with DH and recognize when I need to hold him accountable (this one is still a work in progress, as the mental illness makes boundaries wishy-washy, but I am much better at it than when I first decided on this goal!)
3) attain enough financial stability to the point where I can get by on one job instead of two (this goal was reached, but not in the way I anticipated)
So far, I'm feeling proud about these things.
DH continues to struggle. I am trying to not get sucked in so much. Easier said than done, for sure!
My mom is in end-stage dementia. She is in hospice care (this is the 2nd time now) and weighs 89 lbs. Once in a great while she still calls me Donna Mae, but mostly she sleeps about 23 hours a day. We have very little interaction and it makes me so sad. I am torn between "I wish this was over" and "please don't go, I need you!" We still have a bunch of cats. DD is in adult foster care and still having problems that try me greatly (I am her legal guardian).

I have recognized that I need this blog, and I miss it. I will be updating again this coming weekend.


Tricia said...

I'm so glad to see your update. I'm so sorry about your mom. I'll keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers.

Kari Russell said...

Wow, I am glad I found your blog. As someone with bipolar disorder, I think this blog will give me a lot of insight. I am sorry about your mother, that must be so hard.

Looking forward to future entries.

I have a blog myself that I just started, about living with a mental illness. I am trying to show many different perspectives, perhaps if you would ever be interested, you could write a guest blog post for my blog. Here's my blog if you are interested in check it out:

Heather said...

So good to see you in my reader! I hope you are well and look forward to hearing more.