Sunday, June 27, 2010


It's going to be a month of changes and adjustments, for sure.

We had the 2-week meeting (halfway through DD's assessment period) at the treatment center where she is right now, and it sounds like she is acting out more than she was at home. I'm not really surprised, because she has more interaction with kids her age there, and that is one of the problems she has (getting along with peers). Anyhow, based on their preliminary observations (and these have not been made final yet, but they sound pretty authoritative), they are recommending a longer-term period of residential treatment (6-9 months). That would pretty much bring her up to where she turns 18. Part of me was hoping that she wouldn't come home until she was stable, but I think there is/was part of me that didn't want to hear this, either.

On the one side, I'm glad I don't have to deal with the "crap"--the defiance, the tantrums, the violence--I'm glad it'll be someone else. But I'm sad for her, sad that she's (in some sense anyhow) losing the most permanent home she's ever had, sad that we couldn't do more for her, wishing things in our family had been a little different....and I think I'm still kind of grieving the fact that she will not be living independently "when she grows up". Sigh.

Oh. And as soon as they learned that DD is "there", a bunch of bio relatives (like her bio grandma, and bio aunts) (who could have made important impressions on DD had they ever, even one time, taken up our invitation to give her a call, take her out for lunch, etc.) now have decided that after 9 years of only seeing her on Christmas and a couple of other bio family get-togethers, they want to contact her. I'm not making any friends on that side of town, however, because I think right now is not the time for them to be cultivating relationships with her (maybe that's wrong, but in all the time she was with us, they never cared at all), so they are not on the "ok to contact" list for DD at this time. And that kind of tears me up, too. I don't know what the right thing to do is, but I think I need to talk to her therapist(s) and see if they feel that the sudden interest in DD will be beneficial to her or just plain confusing.

And my mom, of course. It's been decided that she probably won't be able to return to the assisted living apartment. I'm so sad about that. We haven't told her yet, and hopefully won't. Right now she's in "rehab" (where she gets physical therapy etc., in hopes of getting her strengths and abilities back to where they were prior to this episode), and we are going to have her moved next week into the long-term section of the building. But we are going to continue to refer to it as "rehab", because I'm deathly afraid that if we tell her she isn't going back to her apartment, it will break her heart and she will lose her will to live. We're going to hang on to the apartment for an extra month, in case something amazing happens and she can go back there. I've looked at rooms, and had to decide if we would/could spend $600 extra per month so that she can have a private room. Yikes, that's a huge amount of money, as is everything related to a nursing home. But the only roommate available at the time was a lady in end-stage dementia, who basically lays in bed all day, hooked up to some kind of machine, does not walk, talk, or move much. I worried that my mom would know that lady wasn't there for "rehab", and not only that, it would be pretty depressing, so we are going to move her into the private room, and then in a month or two, when a more suitable roommate is available, we'll go that route. She's got enough money to last about a year and a half (if we only do the private room for a couple of months). After that, we'll have to consider Medical Assistance.

And her cat. Her elderly cat. He's got kidney failure, but has an amazing personality and seems pretty healthy for a 16(?) year old cat. My mom will miss him so!!! I guess, since nobody else wants him, he'll come to stay at our house. And I'm worried about that, too, because he is declawed and elderly and has been an "only" cat for so long. My cats are not declawed, although I do trim their nails every week or two...I'm worried that he might not fit in, he might get picked on....it might not be a happy place for him--in fact, I'm 95% sure that it won't be a very good home for him. But what else can I do? I can't justify to myself having him put to sleep--he's got no real reason(s) for that yet. He's active, playful, friendly, uses the litter box well, I just can't put him down. So it'll have to be a slow and cautious transition.

There's so much going on. So many moves, so many changes. I'm relieved and worried and grieving and hopeful and hopeless....I'm a mess.


GB's Mom said...

Transitions are always hard and you are facing a lot of them at once. Make sure you find the energy to take care of yourself. {{{Hugs}}}

perphila said...

Change is hard. Look for the silver lining that hopefully these changes are what is going to be best for your loved ones. (Maybe not the cat but who knows?) I know you will worry for your mom, DD and kitty but don't forget about adjusting to things yourself. One day at a time.

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It takes all kinds to make a world.............................................................