Thursday, June 10, 2010

My week has been busy!

Well, DD was released from the hospital again, this time they have decided that she should go to a residential place for a 30 day assessment, to see if they can recommend appropriate meds and an appropriate living situation for her. I don't know this hateful little person. I don't like her. It's almost like the "DD version" of "That Guy". Except "That Guy" never screamed for hours on end :-(

I didn't realize how uptight I was about her behavior until I started getting used to the idea that she was going to be gone for at least a month, and probably longer than that. The house is so much cleaner, so much quieter....and I don't have to worry about getting screamed at--and when I think of all the things DD needs "reminders" for, like cleaning her room, combing her hair, putting on socks, not eating twelve bowls of cereal at one sitting....and I imagine someone else having to be on top of that and not me, well, it's very exciting!!!!! And then I imagine someone (not me or DH) getting screamed at, and it feels darned good.

But then I remember the sad little "I'm scared" that she uttered when I dropped her off....and I'm sad, too. I wish things were easier.

My mom was re-hospitalized in the geri-psych ward, but I'm sad to say they seem to think that this time there's not much they can do. She's having troubles remembering the different tasks involved in toileting--she'll sit on the toilet and say "I don't know what to do now!" And it's so sad. I have to confess that it's been very hard to spend time with her, because I just end up wanting to cry. And I know my mom really needs me, so I try to put on a cheerful face, but I think she can tell it's phony. She's moving into the nursing home again, not sure if it'll be temporary or permanent. I think, if she didn't get too upset, the permanent idea might really be what she needs. I can tell that she's really one of the lower-functioning people in her assisted living. And maybe she'd feel better if she had more help.

I also found a little place near home that does "memory care" for elderly folks--it's not a nursing home, kind of like a group home for elderly people. They each get their own bedroom, and there is a common living area. She could stay there forever, as long as she only needed one person to assist her. If she needed two people to assist, then she'd have to be in the nursing home. Anyhow, this place costs about what her assisted living costs, and it sounds less institutional than a nursing home. Unfortunately, right now it's full, so we'll have to wait and see what happens....

I'm sorry I've been missing in action lately--it seems like all I do is run around and make sure my mom and DD are taken care of. I'll post more over the weekend.


Luz said...

I’m very familiar with the freeing and burdensome realization that a person in your life has taken control of you in so many ways. So, I can appreciate the calm you manage to express in your writing despite the emotional labor these moments represent. I wish you a better weekend.


Anonymous said...

So glad to see you've updated. I have read your blog in it's entirety and was a little worried you had not posted for a while. My Mother is 87, is very independent (even still drives), but just lately my sisters and I have noticed some things that are a little concerning. I sure hope things lighten up for you a little.

perphila said...

Even though there is a wait list the new place sounds promising. I know you must have been all over the place getting things straightened out. As for DD, I know when the person you love leaves for a while and suddenly you aren't dealing with all those stressful things you thought you had gotten used to, it seems surreal. The freedom, the relaxation! A breath of fresh air and when they return the tolerance you had built up is just not the same. When my husband left we all felt the same way. A heavy blanket was lifted. Then when stuff happens the tolerance level just dropped. It isn't easy and you can feel guilt sometimes and sad. Just try and remember that all you need to do is find out what will be best for DD in the long term. You are doing the same for your mom and the choices aren't easy or ones you like either. I wish there were better options...:(

Miz Kizzle said...

That's wonderful about DD being away for awhile in a place where she will be safe and cared for. You needed a break from her and maybe she'll get some much-needed perspective on her behavior.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. It sounds like she needs to be in a place where she can get more care than where she is now. I know from some of my friends whose parents started having cognitive problems that the higher-functioning seniors didn't want to have much to do with them and they got very lonely.
If she's forgetting how to toilet herself, she won't care much about the decor of the place where she's staying, as long as it's clean and the staff is supportive.
When she's settled you can take care of yourself. You deserve it.

Grace. said...

Not that you asked, but I do have some advice with your daughter--take her calls; send her cards; visit on a regular basis but when she's in a foul mood cut it short by saying that obviously now is not a good time for either of you, but you'll be back for the next visit; send gifts when appropriate.
Oh, and enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasts! She needs to know she has NOT been abandoned, and the RTC is NOT punishment--that both you and she need help on her journey to a adulthood, and both of you are getting that help. Hang in there. BTDT, and lived to tell the story that it eventually gets better.