Thursday, April 15, 2010

Employed does not mean healthy.

Well, DH has been working now for three weeks. He's really excited about it and he seems very proud to be helping out (the first paycheck will either show up tomorrow or Monday). He is excited about our agreement--what I decided was, and I believe that given our financial situation, it's more than fair, his check will go into my account via direct deposit. On payday I will give him $50.00 in "fun money". Then, since DH and I both know that that money will be gone almost instantly, a week later, on the week he doesn't get paid, he'll get $50.00 MORE in "fun money", and the rest of the paycheck will be mine to use toward bills. I'll still pay for gas and pop and cigarettes for the most part, out of that money. (DH and I are both (surprisingly enough) of the opinion that if I allowed him money for gas, pop, etc., he'd spend it and I'd be coming up with money for those things anyhow. While his awareness is much better than it's been for a long time, his self-control is still pretty non-existent.

And then there's the concept of "not every day at work is a good day." There have been a few times where DH has been told he's doing something wrong, or not at the right time. He has gotten so upset over these things, I had to ask him to take a Lorazepam to calm down. I've had to tell him that panicking is not a good way to handle any situation. But he gets almost tearful and says, "I'll be crushed if I lose this job too." And I feel so bad. But panicking every time something goes wrong is not likely to improve his performance. I'm hoping that as he works more, he'll become healthier in that area.

I'm kind of weirded out lately. I've been "unemployed" (from my full time job) for two and a half months now, and I go and look for jobs, apply for a few, and then I really don't remember what I used to do with myself when I had free time. And then I feel guilty, because there are really so many things I should be doing, I just have no idea where to start.

And I need to learn how to do a job interview without quaking in my boots.


GB's Mom said...

It sounds like progress. Hang in there. You are doing a good job with a very difficult situation.

Annie @ The Upended Buffet Table said...

I am new to your blog. Found it via BiPolar Blogs on Twitter.

Good for your husband. I know its hard. I have BiPolar myself and am a stay at home mom. I sometimes think I should go look for a job, but my anxiety gets the better of me and it never gets any further than a "should I".

And good for you for trying to figure out ways to support and encourage him!

perphila said...

DH is going to back to work after quite a while out of the grind and it's going to take some getting used to times ten for him. Sounds like you are doing great trying to keep him calm and focused. I wish so much there was a therapist he could see to take a little of the burden off you. I wish he would want to go but I am well aware of how hard that can be. I will keep praying for things to keep moving forward for him.