Wednesday, February 17, 2010

It's pouring.

I don't know where to start!

First, DH went to another job interview, for a janitor (part time) and they told him in the interview that he had the job and that they'd call him this week to let him know when to come in for orientation. But they haven't called. I know it's possible that DH misunderstood them, that maybe he really didn't get the job like he thought or whatever but.....

And DD. She's been hugely unstable this week. Lots of tantrums, lots of insults, pushing, shoving, I cannot even make my voice do what she does when she screams for hours on end. And she can't get in to get her meds re-evaluated until March 1. I don't know how I'll survive because....

DH admitted to me that he hasn't taken his pills this past week. I had wondered about that, because he was losing his temper with DD a LOT more than usual, and taking her stupid rantings personally. He was on the verge of punching her a few times, and it scared me. I could tell it was "That Guy", and he wasn't being rational at all. I just thought, though, that it was "one of those times" when "That Guy" isn't completely controlled by the medications. But then he told me that Sarah (our most elderly dog) had an accident on the floor (she has a lot of them because of the diabetes insipidus) and that he wanted to take her out back and shoot her. I haven't heard talk like that since he got started on the Lithium. And that alarmed me very much. But I didn't find out until yesterday's tussle with DD that he hadn't been taking his medications. Apparently he thought he'd do a better job at his new job, if he had all the ambition he had before he "had to take the meds". ARGH. So I personally watched while he took them yesterday, I hope he continues taking them, because "That Guy" will find himself single if he doesn't go back where he came from. I HATE "THAT GUY".

So.....on a very good note.....I found out that we'll be getting $4,000 back in my/our tax refund. I'm really excited about it, because I'll be able to pay off DH's truck, and then we won't have to have full coverage for the insurance any more. All in all, paying off the truck will give us about $400 more per month. Which will actually bring our budget from "there's no way possible to live within our means" to "if I'm very careful, we might have a few dollars left every month."
And, that's a very big thing, since I still having found a full time job.

Luckily, though, my part time job has been very happy to oblige me with more hours. I just wish I liked it better and that it paid more. I have decided that I need to find a job where there are mentally stable people. There are too many unstable people in my life and I need some stability.

Anyhow, on another tangent, DH's car (the one his mom gave him/us) is having some kind of problem which is probably the water pump going out. DH contacted his friend Jim and asked if Jim could help. Jim sent us $200 (yay!!!!!). But now DH (remember he's been "That Guy" this week) has been bound and determined to spend that money and he's been getting angry with me again when I tell him that we need to save it to fix his car. Today I told him that part of the tax refund showed up, and he got angry when I wouldn't give him any money, although when I left home he had personally told me that he has: pop, cigarettes, a frozen pizza and a candy bar. And plenty of gas. And now he's mad that I won't give him more money. Trying to make me feel like the "bad guy". I'm glad I'm stronger than I used to be, for sure.

But I guess right now, "I'm very angry at DH and at "That Guy" and fantasizing about how much easier life would be if I was on my own" would be a very good way of summing up my thoughts and feelings right now.


GB's Mom said...

Your thoughts of leaving "that Guy" are perfectly understandable. I have had them multiple times myself.

Miz Kizzle said...

I'm floored that he's been ditching his meds. Doesn't he realize that he NEEDS to take them as prescribed? Psychiatric meds aren't like aspirin that you take when you feel bad, they're vital to his health.
Maybe you'd better monitor him to be sure he takes them. That's one more job you shouldn't have to do but he's acting like a little kid who can't be trusted.
And it's pretty obnoxious of him to get indignant because you won't give him money to buy useless crap. Adults work to EARN money. I can't help but think of how he stole your dollar coins. Really, I don't understand why you don't read him the riot act.
That's good news about your tax refund. if there are a few dollars left you certainly deserve to buy yourself a little treat.

Grace. said...

About your daughter--does she have "anniversary" dates wherein you can predict bad behavior? For my youngest daughter, who came to me with RAD, FAE and ADHD, I always knew that May was going to be trouble--it was the month her prior adoption disrupted, and it was also the month she was removed from her birthmother's home.

But congrats on the tax money (not to mention a large dose of envy from me--I have to pay this year!).

perphila said...

I can't even begin to express my thoughts on your post.

Oh, geez.....

I'm glad you got a nice return. I am sure that feels good. Stand firm. I can see how far you've come already on not letting him make you feel guilty about saying no.

"That Guy" may not like you monitoring him taking his meds but I am sure you could talk with DH about it. Even though it's job you feel you shouldn't have to do it might have to be a part of a plan for him for the time being.

I pray that DD can calm down some before her next appointment. A change of meds seems to be needed. I would suggest if she gets too out of hand tell her she has to go back to the hospital. Even if it's just the emergency room. I had had to tell Connor that before and it has helped.

Angelina said...

I think there are few things harder on a marriage than having to be like a mother to your husband. Ever since I started reading your blog I have been humbled by how kind you are, how caring, how patient, and how hard you work every single day to hold it all together taking care of three special needs people. I take care of two and my two are certainly not as complicated to care for as yours are.

I feel like the hardest thing in your situation is to have the time and energy to take care of yourself. It's so important.

Part of me wants to tell you to ditch the husband but if you can handle one more job (of monitoring his med-taking)and that, in turn, keeps him stable so that those feelings you have slip away- maybe it's worth doing.

But if you ever said you'd had enough and decided to leave him I don't think anyone (beside your husband and kid) would ever think ill of you after the tremendous effort you've put into keeping him healthy and alive.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled upon your blog when looking for info on rants and such from bipolar people... my heart hurts for you... I pray your life gets better... living with someone with mental illness is hard. my daughter is bp and it more and more difficult to deal with her rants, especially when they are directed at me...thank you for letting me lurk. Peace to you