Thursday, November 12, 2009

Craziness. Pure and simple. And oh, the guilt....

My mom. Last time I posted, I was telling you about her cat's girlfriend, who "went out and got pregnant by someone else." Well, when the aides went to give my mom her medications, my mom started yelling that she "wasn't taking anything from her, that tramp, I want her out of here!!!!!!!!" And nobody could get her to calm down until the aide left. They tried a few hours later, with a different aide, and she (the aide) was also "a tramp, hurting Thor like that, get out of my house!" Very alarming.

So after weighing all the options, and realizing there really weren't a lot of options any more, I decided that we should go to the geriatric psychiatric hospital about an hour away from our town. My brother agreed, and so I brought my mom there yesterday afternoon. I know that even if all the other weirdness gets cleared up, she'll probably still lose ground there, but things just couldn't go on the way they were--they were really, unfortunately, only getting worse.

So my mom was admitted and so far has not had too much confusion there. But it could be just too early for that. Today I visited her, and she seemed about the same, with a little more sadness thrown in. She's still very upset with "the girlfriend", I guess, and I guess the aides in the hospital ran up against the same thing as the assisted living aides did ("get out, you tramp!"). I forgot to ask how they eventually got her to take her meds.

They also told me that she needs a lot of "cueing". In other words, they have to instruct her on everything. They can't just help her to the bathroom and say "I'll wait outside. Just give me a holler when you're done." They have to tell her each step of the process (I won't share the process with you, I'm sure you know what to do) as if she has never been in a bathroom before. That's kind of what was going on at home, too. And the assisted living just isn't equipped for that kind of constant care. So DH and I were doing it, in hopes that things would improve, but they weren't. So basically, unless the psychiatrist(s) figure out what the problem is, she probably won't be able to stay in her apartment.

When I think about that, part of me is relieved. She needs so much, and it would be so nice to know that she was having all of her needs met in a safe place. But also, you hear so many bad things about nursing homes, etc., and when she was in the nursing home in June, it was "adequate" and the staff were caring, but I felt like if I wasn't there, a lot of things wouldn't get done or would get done incorrectly. I need to visit some more facilities, I know I do. But I had planned on doing that last week, and when it came down to it, I got a HUGE case of "head-in-the-sand-itis". I didn't want to think about my mom needing to move to a nursing home. So if I didn't think about it, well, you know....it wouldn't happen, right? (I know how stupid that is/was, and I recognized it that day, but I just couldn't bring myself to go and do that. Now I think I'll need to get on the ball.

I know I just need to be patient, too. She has only been there about 24 hours now, and that certainly isn't enough time to effect changes, so I really just need to trust them and hope for the best.


Miz Kizzle said...

Your mom is in the right place. She can get the help she needs from professionals who have experience in treating her dementia.
I know you feel guilty about moving your mother to a nursing home but just like everything else, there are good options and bad options. You just have to do your homework, ask questions and get recommendations.
Ultimately, you have to choose a living arrangement that's best for your mom and not one that makes you fell better. At this point, day trips and socializing with other residents in the dining room and trips to the beauty parlor may be alarming and overwhelming for her.
I'll be praying for you both.

perphila said...

You are doing what's best for your mom and sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. It's the same when you have to do it for your kids too.