Monday, November 10, 2008

It's deer season again...

Remember last year, how I had taken DH's guns away, because I was afraid he was going to kill himself? That seems so long ago. Since then, we've found Lithium, and DH, for the most part, is getting out of bed and talking to people (and he wasn't doing that last year). Things have really gotten so much better.

But this morning, shortly after DH went out to hunt, I heard a shot and I got so scared. I had been completely unaware of how worried I actually was. All sorts of things went through my head, most of them involving me becoming a widow, and some of them pertaining to "how could I let him hunt?"

Then he walked in the door. He was in a good mood. No, he didn't get a deer, it was someone on an adjoining property. Nothing was out of the ordinary at all, in fact, if I hadn't just suffered through this last year, I would've thought it was like any other. But I was so scared.

And on a side note, DH's brother came up to hunt with HIS gun--you might remember, that DH pawned his brother's rifle TWICE in the past year when I wouldn't give him money for pop or cigarettes....then I wound up having to pay to get it out of the pawnshop because I don't want DH to have to deal with his brother's wrath....which, would be rather well-deserved, after all, the gun was not DH's to hock....oh well, all's well that ends well, right?


perphila said...

I hope DH's brother took his gun home with him this time..:)

Even though things have been somewhat better DH still has depressed moments right? So it's understandable you would feel scared sometimes. I feel that way too and Sean isn't even here. Having someone you love going through this isn't easy. Watching it is a terrible feeling. My uncle is back home with my mom and she hid all the guns in the house in fear. Compared to her you doing great, trust me. Bottom line though is if they want to really kill themselves they will find a way and there will be nothing we could have done to stop them. Never blame yourself.