Monday, August 11, 2008

Struggling to keep it all together....

Hi everyone, I'm so sorry I haven't posted as often this week as I usually do, it's been "one of those weeks", for sure!

First off, I took an extra shift at my "part time" job, so when it was all said and done, I worked about 76 hours this week. I'm excited to have a little bit bigger paycheck, but the lack of time is a huge factor in why my weekend was such a washout.

So, I worked 10pm to 8am Friday night, and the same thing on Saturday. I've done it before, but it was particularly difficult this week. First off, my cousin, who lives in the same small town as all of my mom's family (brother, sister in law, nieces and nephews and long time friends, too), called on Saturday to let us know that he was going to hold an impromptu family reunion on Sunday. Since my mom doesn't really like surprises, I didn't really expect her to want to go, but she did, I think, because we haven't gotten down to see her family all year, I've been busy working, and it's 120 miles away. Anyhow, I knew how important seeing her family is, and how being a part of get-togethers there is something that brings her a lot of joy, I just didn't feel like I could say "no", because even if I did, we'd end up going out there and having a much longer visit, as we would go to everyone's house instead of just to one location. So after working all night until 8am Sunday, and knowing I had to be back to work again at 8pm Sunday night to work all night, I still opted to go, because I didn't want to disappoint my mom. DH and DD went too. It was fun, and my mom was so happy to be there that she cried when she saw all of her relatives. I'm still glad I opted to go.

But that really left Sunday in a huge rush, because I wound up sleeping 2 hours, then we left for the reunion, we spent a few hours there, then we rushed back to make sure I got to work on time (I did, just barely). I was very tired. I knew I shouldn't have done things that way.

So I got to work, and that job is working with people who have very severe (much more severe than DH) mental illnesses. And a client who is normally very placid had a very tough night, and I wound up calling an ambulance to bring him to the hospital. After calling an on-call supervisor and a nurse. Anyhow, he did come back home, it all led to lots and lots of paperwork, and when my boss came in, I learned that I had contacted the wrong people, so I felt very stupid, but I was very tired and, well, at that point all I could think of was "everyone's safe".

I got home at 6:30am and at 7am my boss called me to come back in because she had to bring the client back to the hospital. My mom has had an appointment related to the podiatrist for three months and had been really looking forward to it, and the appointment (of course) was at 11am in a different town. But all of that worked out (except the sleep part) and we got to the appointment.

I was so tired!!! I had to reschedule two other appointments for my mom because I knew that driving would be dangerous. And I finally did get three hours of sleep. But nothing is getting done, I've got phone calls I need to make, and DD needs a new pca and I havne't even had time to call and get all that straightened out. The pca people have been calling me (of course I'm at work) and getting irritated with me. DD's case worker wants to come over to our house next week, but I haven't called her to confirm, either. There are so many things I need to do and I just don't have enough hours in the day. And the only thing that directly had to do with DH at all was that the entire time I was working and driving to appointments, he continued to sleep. So I got pretty angry with him. But I know I should just "lower my expectations."


Anonymous said...

I know that you need the money, but is it all worth it. You said that your brother was helping you out a little. Please don't get me wrong I know you are going through a lot. But you also need to have a clear head to deal with every thing
you are going threw. Good luck & try to get some sleep..

Lorna said...

((Hugs)) that sounds so tough, I'm not surpised you are struggling. Not sure whether you should lower your expectations and let him sleep all the time, it isn't healthy is it? Mind you, Rob sleeps about 11 hours at the moment but he keeps saying he wants me to get him up earler, but when I try it is pointless as he won't get up! Please don't work yourself into the ground :-( Hope things get a little easier soon and you manage to ctach up on some sleep.

Lorna x x

Carol said...

Hi to both of you. I just wanted to kind of explain that, financially, when DH first stopped working, our budget was $900/month more than I oculd come up with. Now, with all the working I'm doing, for the most part, the bills are getting paid, but there isn't anything left over for "extras" or if the car breaks down or anything. My brother helping me out a little by paying off one of the loans is going to give me a little more "extra" money, and while I am very grateful, there are a lot of debts that DH incurred and a couple that we had before he got sick, and while my brother will help out, things still won't be all that great :-(

No, it's not really worth it. All I want to do right now is take a vacation from one job and quit the other one. But I know that isn't going to solve any of the financial crap, I'll just tell myself that next week will be better.

I really appreciate the gentle words, though, I gave a lot of thought to whether I could do anything different at this time. Usually the extra shift wouldn't bother me, but having that family reunion just killed my sleep, and then having a rough night at work to boot really capped it off.

perphila said...

I guess the main thing to remember is to get enough rest through all this in order to make sure you stay healthy. With money being tight it would get worse if something were to happen to you. oh...and as my own therapist says try and find time for yourself...if you barely find time to sleep, wow...scrimping in some you time is ..what....hard to imagine? I don't know how you do it....you're amazing.