Thursday, August 14, 2008

A little reminder

DH and I were talking on the phone. It was a fun conversation, reminiscent of "back before bipolar". I felt like I was on the way to being normal again. DH talked about cashing in our aluminum cans for some money. I told him that he has been very resourceful, and it's nice to know that he finds ways like that to help out.

Then he said, "Yeah, especially since I guess nobody is going to hire me!" Which was pretty stupid, because you don't conduct a job search by filling out one questionable application a week. So I just said, "All you have to do is get out there and apply, you'll get hired!" And he got so upset with me. "I AM APPLYING!" "I AM LOOKING!" "But nobody ever calls back!" He sounded like he was ready to cry, and like I had just said something extremely hurtful. But the truth is, he doesn't get out of bed before 2pm, sometimes that's even later than me, and I've worked all night....then he doesn't apply for jobs at all. Last week we were looking at the paper together, and he asked me to make him a list of places to apply the next day. So I did. There were 9 jobs on the list that weren't too tough-sounding but still kind of close by. He got up at 10 that day, left with the list and came back after he applied for ONE job. That was last week and that was the last time he applied for anything. But his bipolar sees it a different way, of course. In his moments of clarity, DH sees that he isn't trying hard enough. But the bipolar is clouding his vision on this, I don't think ANY non-bipolar person would think that applying for jobs sporadically like that is likely to prove successful.

And this little episode reminded me that even though he's better, Bipolar has not left the building. It's still there, and sometimes it's not even just lurking in the background, either.