Rest in Peace, Sarah (woowoo dog) 1995-2011

Well, that part of my saga is over.  I made the appointment and brought her in.  And though I "pottied" her twice in the fifteen minutes preceding her appointment, she still had an "accident" when we got to the vets.  I'm not sure why, but I saw that as some kind of sign that I was doing the right thing.

The vet, whom I've known for several years, was awesome.  I've had a number of animals "put to sleep", but this time, with Sarah, it was really like she did just go to sleep.  She was even snoring.  I still had some doubts and trepidation right up until the last minute.

When the vet announced that she was "gone", I was sitting on the floor with her, rubbing her ears.  It was so peaceful, it was hard for me to believe she wasn't just taking a nap.  The vet sat down on the floor with me and asked me how we got her, how old was at the time, and I shared some stories.  Then he told me that he thought I did the right thing and he talked briefly about old age and lingering, as he knows about my mom (he was the vet who put my mom's cat to sleep not too long ago, too) and the Alzheimer's, and he shared that his father had recently passed away at age 85.  "He was just walking along and he dropped.  And that was it."  And we talked about that for a little.

I left, feeling comforted and at peace with the decision.  Of course, every time I come home and there's no mess on the floor, it hits me again--isn't that pathetic?  I cry because nobody peed on the floor.

That dog was one of a kind.  I'm going to miss her.  Sometimes I'm still not sure if maybe I should have waited a while longer, but there were some very direct parallels to my mom's illness--Sarah had "good" days and "bad" days, and on the "bad" days, I was very certain that it was her time.  It was the "good" days that made me doubt myself.  However, I can't change it now, so I just need to revisit all the "bad" days and convince myself that it was right.  Most of the time I can do that.