The oil leak

I guess DH is more concerned about his upcoming surgery than he let on:

(Since DH recently restarted his Seroquel, and it makes him sleep very soundly, sometimes he doesn't wake up when the "urge" hits.)

DH: Carol, you won't believe the dream I just had!  I dreamed that I went in for my surgery and when they cut open my arm, it was all car parts in there--it was all metal, and there was even a muffler.  The doctor was really surprised.  He was trying to figure out what to do next, when suddenly I sprung an oil leak!  Then when I woke up, I realized I had peed the bed.

Well, now that I typed that, I guess probably it's not as funny as it was when I first heard it.  But I figured I'd share anyhow.

DH: Outpatient Surgery on Monday

Well, it looks like DH will be having outpatient surgery on Monday for nerve problems in his left hand.  This problem has been there for about 6 months--at first when DH complained about his hand being numb, I just chalked it up to more of his heath complaints.  But then his little finger started to contract and now he can barely move his ring finger or his little finger on his left hand, and that is his dominant hand (he is left handed).  The neurologist that he saw has determined that he has carpal tunnel syndrome and cubital tunnel syndrome.  Apparently (surprise surprise) these sorts of issues are rather common with diabetics and can only be remedied with surgery.

So on Monday, 11/19/12, DH will be going in to have surgery.  His left hand/arm may be out of commission for several months.  And, sad to say, it's not the surgery I'm worrying about right now.  It's the Percocet.  Because I am absolutely certain that the surgeon will prescribe it and, even though DH is restricted, I am sure the insurance company will allow it for a surgery.  And the thought of dealing with the Percocet issue AGAIN makes me hugely crabby.

Surprisingly, DH admitted to me that he understands why I get angry about the Percocet.  But he still has zero insight into how it controls him.  I remember (before I started blogging) when I had my gallbladder out, I think it was 2005--when all the mental illness problems were just starting to show up.  I was prescribed Percocet for pain.  After I got back home, I did have pain.  I took two scheduled doses of the Percocet, then I didn't need it any more.  I decided to save the remaining pills in case "someone" needed them in the future.   They disappeared, however, within two weeks.  At that time I truly didn't realize what a hold that drug would have on DH and I also didn't realize that his thinking was already "messed up" at that time.  Hindsight's 20/20, though, isn't it?

Well, I guess on this one I can't say that he's faking the nerve problems, I can see them with my own eyes.  I've seen the neurologist's reports.  I guess I just need to steel myself for the inevitable power struggle that will come right after the surgery.

Struggling with DD's issues

Ok, it's really tough for me to admit this, but I currently intensely dislike DD.  She has been living in the adult foster care group home for mentally ill adults now for about a year and a half, and every time I talk to her, I am so very glad that she no longer lives in our house....

Last weekend was just an example:  She came home for a visit.  The very first thing she told me when she got in the car was "Mom.  My friend committed suicide yesterday."  I felt terrible.  What an awful thing, even for a mentally stable person to have to cope with.  I was hugely sympathetic, told her that suicide is caused by mental illness, offered to help her in any way I could.  She said "her mom (the friend's mom) is going to let me know when the funeral is."  I told her I would help her get to the funeral and even go with her if she wanted me to.  I just felt so awful for her.  Then, as she was rambling on about it, she stated "And they don't even know if she's going to live."  WHAT?????????????

Turns out the friend wasn't dead after all.
The friend DID attempt suicide, but was already out of the hospital.  DD realized though, that she'd get more attention if her friend actually died, so that's what the story became.  At that point, I wanted to bring her right back to the group home, but I didn't, of course.....she then went on to tell me about (same old story) how she is getting "bullied" at work.  (She works in a supported work environment with behavioral supports and such for people with mental health issues). 

The story on the bullying?  The same thing.  She has latched on to the word "bullying" because so many people are talking about it these days.  Usually, at work, she is the one doing the bullying, is what I am told. 

So we went home, and I clearly explained to DD the difference between attempting suicide and committing suicide.  She said she understood.  I warned DH about this conversation.  And DD?  She told her dad the exact same thing!  "My friend committed suicide."  And he very patiently explained again the difference and that no, she did not.

So cut to Friday.  We got a call that she and the boy who had been "bullying" her, had been given feedback about an inappropriate conversation they were having at work.  The staff at work separated the two, and DD "flipped out".  The group home had to come and bring her home, where they were not able to calm her down.  The episode culminated with DD cutting herself superficially in the arm and being brought to the hospital.  When the nurse called me, she (the nurse) told me that DD has been under a lot of stress at work and also stress from her friend killing herself. I wanted to scream.

I am struggling with the lies and the manipulation.  I know it's hallmark to FASD.  But I am having troubles accepting it.  Frankly, in the "real world", I pick up on people like this and avoid them like the plague.  And DD is no different.  I don't want to spend any time with her.  I don't want her to come over, I don't want to call her.  Because it's all going to be a bunch of drama that isn't true.  And I know that I'm her mom and I said that I'd love her forever.  But I wish she would just stay away.  I don't like her.  And I feel hugely guilty about that. 

The Trade-Off

Well, DH had a pdoc appointment and reported to the pdoc that he was getting more paranoid.  He was believing that everyone, friends, family, and just strangers in town, were judging him because he was not working.  He wasn't leaving home for any reason.  At my nephew's 6th birthday party, DH didn't speak to any adult at all, except a few words to me.  The pdoc put DH back on Seroquel.  I actually think that DH should have been on Seroquel all this time, but back when I took over setting up DH's meds, he was not taking it and hasn't been back on it since.

The pdoc said that the Seroquel would decrease the paranoia.  And it did.  And it did very good things for DH.  Instead of watching TV all day, he was suddenly cleaning, rearranging....even doing some small repairs.  It was very good. 

Then DH's pdoc called and stated that DH's Lithium level (in his bloodwork) was way too low.  He instructed DH to raise his Lithium back up to 1500mg a day--600 in the morning and 900 at night.  Immediately I saw a difference with this change, too, but I'm not sure it was a good one.  DH is a little less motivated than he was when he first started the Seroquel, but the main change that I'm noticing is that he is starting to get whiney, like he was several months ago.  He wants this, he wants that, wah wah.  And he's not satisfied with things like he was before.  I had warned him that November was going to be an exceptionally tight month financially, and still, he keeps asking me to buy things like chocolate milk, or expensive (by my budget standards, LOL) cheeses.  When I tell him there is no money for that, he gets sulky and pouty.  And keeps asking.

I'm wondering if maybe the Lithium isn't the miracle drug that it was earlier.  Then I'm wondering if maybe I'm just seeing these things more because he is not laying in bed watching TV all the time, so he has more interaction with me, thus, the opportunity to beg for more stuff.  I don't know!!!  But I would like to go to the next pdoc appointment (in 4 weeks) if I can.