Thursday, August 25, 2011

DH is now down to 3 days a week

He hasn't gotten fired yet, but I know it's only a matter of time.  They've cut him down to 3 nights a week, which, after gas expenses, pretty much pays for pop and cigs and not much else.

He has another PDoc appointment on Monday, hopefully he is able to express what he feels has been happening--it seems like this could (and should) be better.

He still has no initiative at all, and his thinking is funny, lots of "all or nothing" stuff, like the dryer broke down and he says "Why does bad stuff always happen to us?" and then "We've GOT to have a dryer....." (I'm fine with a clothesline, at least until winter.....)

But I am trying to look on the bright side as much as I can--we have so much more than lots of people.  We have options.  We (both of us, amazingly, especially in this economy) have jobs....and the bills get paid.  Despite the fact that things aren't easy, we've been blessed.  And I'm trying to remember that, so that when DH says "why does it always happen to us?", I can look past that.


perphila said...

Everyone gets into little ruts of negative thinking sometimes. It's normal. DH though is almost always thinking negatively and that's a huge part of the problem. Also, when you are living with someone who is almost always negative it brings you down or you get fed up. Trying to stay positive is not an easy thing for anyone but for you even more so. It's good to see you rolling with it all. I also hope DH's gets some help from his pdoc. Therapy for him is the way to go. Hopefully his Pdoc can keep pushing him towards that goal.

Miss Kitty said...

Bless your heart, Carol. I finally went back and read through some of your posts from the very beginning of your blog...you've been through hell. And DH (to me, anyway, from I've read so far) does little to make things better for himself, for you, for your marriage. Has he not lost enough? Maybe he doesn't realize how much he's lost in just making *you* miserable for the last five or so years.

Years ago, I dated a guy who had problems kind of like DH's. The guy had an enabling adult daughter who blamed his crying jags and suicide threats and screaming-mimis neediness on MY not wanting to spend 24/7 with the dude. (He would come around to my classrooms while I was teaching and make sure I was in there...he's walk around and find my friends when he couldn't located me: "Where's Kitty?" in a very jovial manner, so they didn't suspect anything for a loooong time.) This guy's daughter had lived in their dysfunctional world of undiagnosed bipolar and anxiety disorder that she thought it was normal. Only after his SECOND arrest for stalking me did she finally wake up. Oh, and yes, he wrecked his finances several times, just crazy stuff.

Like you, I would always make peace at any price, especially when he threatened suicide. But one day, I finally snapped. He came over to the college and harrassed me while I was helping administer the SAT one Saturday...and I'd finally had enough. Once I'd left campus for the day, I went to his house and screamed at him like I never had before, from the bottom of my guts: "You will NOT control me! I told you to get help, and you didn't!"

He lay there in the floor, a full-grown man with adult kids, and cried like a baby in a fetal position. "I'm just gonna take some pills and end it all," he said for the 500th time.

I nearly turned around. "Well, we've had this discussion before, and I'm very sorry you've made that decision. I'll be calling the police on my way out." And I dialed 911 as I pulled out of the driveway.

BOY, was he pissed when the cops came knocking a few minutes later! But like I told him: do NOT threaten that crap just to control someone and get attention. Saying you're going to kill yourself = serious business.

My heart goes out to you, Carol. If I thought a thorough ass-kicking would do DH any good, I'd drive up there and administer one myself. But it probably wouldn't help. Lord knows you've been as supportive as possible, and have held up your end of the bargain, and then some...what has HE done to hold up HIS marriage vows? Or HIS part of the bargain? Becoming unsympathetic is OK at this point...you've tried and tried to be understanding and empathetic, and you deserve PEACE and a happy life.

(((HUGE HUGS for you and the critters and your mom)))