The past two weeks....

I'm very sorry I haven't written in the last two weeks--it's been a whirlwind of activity and I just got overwhelmed with it all....I'll try to sum it up for all of you...

We left off with DD in jail.  We had the guardianship hearing, and I am now her legal guardian, which will help the court recognize that she may not be responsible for her actions in the future, which my keep her out of jail next time....or at least keep another assault from turning into a conviction....I'm still not exactly sure how the guardianship protects DD beyond the decisions I am allowed to make on her behalf, but it sounds like if you are going to commit a violent crime, having a guardian is a good thing (rolling eyes)....

DD also had her first court appearance on the two counts of domestic assault and one count of disorderly conduct.  Her court-appointed attorney requested a continuance so that they/we could see if the fact that the guardianship was pending at the time will help DD keep this off of her record.  Her next court appearance is on June 28.

After court, as I expected, DD had no place to go.  The foster care lady of course would not take her back, and there was no plan in place for an alternative placement......so we allowed DD to come back home with us but made it clear to everyone in the courtroom that it could only be temporary, because we did not have the skills to keep her/us safe in the long run.   At that point, there was still no funding available for a traditional group home.  However, fortune smiled (for once) and it turned out that a funding recipient in the county had passed away over the weekend, and so DD was able to receive the funding that had previously been allocated to that person.  So her social worker started to get things moving for DD to move into a group home.

They found a group home that was willing to take DD, but after the director read DD's file, the price went up--apparently she has more behaviors than their standard funding provides for...hopefully that'll all work out, though...

DD was at our house for two weeks, and she did very well.  Of course, neither DH nor I confronted her on anything at all that might have been likely to provoke a tantrum....if it didn't involve safety, we let it slide....I think DD was very much hoping that if she was really, really good, then she could come back home to stay--but I saw enough of her attitude to know that the violence and tantrums were just lurking beneath the surface, and no way was I going to deal with that....

Telling DD on the last night that she was moving in the morning was a real challenge.  Nobody was sure how to do it without provoking a tantrum.  It turned out that it was left to me, because DH was at work that night, and I was home.  So I kind of put DD in a spot by saying "Well, your social worker thinks you probably aren't mature enough to handle this information, but Dad and I told her you were mature enough...."  so of course then she had to be mature!  I saw her face get red, and the pout come on, and I thought "Uh-oh, here we go...." but then she caught herself (because she wanted to be mature) and just got really quiet.  Then she asked if I would take her to Subway (I did--anything to keep the peace at that point).....

She moved on Thursday morning.  And the week has been a blur of meetings with her therapist, social worker, school, the people who help with funding, doctors (for physical and mantoux)....one day we had FOUR appointments in the same day!!!  But it's over now.  And I feel better than I have in a long time.  Hopefully, this IS where she will be for quite some time.  Hopefully, they will be able to get her tantrums under control after they experience them.  Hopefully she won't do enough harm to be kicked out.

In the meantime, DH had a kind of regression.  Things had been, while not back to how they were when we were first married, mostly stable and predictable--he's been doing at least one or two chores that I assign him per week, and things have been comparatively smooth.  However, it seemed that when DD came back, he was so worried about being the "cool dad" again, that he kind of lost his stability.  He started spending all of his "allowance" on taking her out to eat, renting her movies, etc, then got very stressed when he was out of money.  He once again started to make decisions regarding her without consulting me, even though neither he nor she is skilled at recognizing possible consequences of a decision.  It made for a lot of tension between DH and I, and additional back pain for DH.  I guess I didn't realize how much DD played into some of the troubles that DH has had.

That kind of shocked me and made me nervous, because I still would like to adopt a child (someday) who maybe doesn't have as many special needs as DD.  I know that statistically speaking, and lifestyle-wise, DH will probably pass on long before I will--after all, he's 200 lbs overweight, smokes more than a pack a day, and does not manage any aspect of his health beyond his bipolar medications.  And if that were to happen, I would be alone.  I don't particularly like my brother.  My mom is already kind of gone, as I can't really talk to her much about my life any more.....and even the stuff I do tell her, she forgets by the next day....it would be nice to have family at some point......so the fact that DD exacerbates DH's symptoms/issues is a little bit alarming.....but I guess in the long run, things will turn out the way fate has planned.....I suppose I'm still not really completely too old to have a child of my own, but the odds get slimmer and slimmer every day.....I guess time will tell what the future holds....