»

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Employment does not get rid of bipolar.

I think I mentioned this before.  DH has been working now for FOUR MONTHS!!!!  And it's going well enough (most of the time) for me to start to consider the possibility that he might stay employed for a while--after all, he's been employed for a longer period of time in our relationship than he's been unemployed....

The problem is, I start thinking that because that one problem (employment or lack thereof) is "solved" for the time being, that lots of other things should get "back to normal" too.  Unfortunately, that's not the case.  DH gets $50 worth of "fun money" per WEEK.  To me, that's a HUGE amount of money.  I suggested that amount because I wanted DH to a) be able to directly see the fruits of his labor, since I am now handling all the bills and b) give him a chance to relearn how to handle money.  I'm not sure either of my hopes have happened.  His $50 is gone within 2 days of me giving it to him--fast food, I'm guessing.  And then things happen like tonite--DH apparently snacked on all the cheese that was in the fridge.  So now it's gone.  And he wants more, because he "can't eat a sandwich without cheese".  Well, unfortunately, too bad.  The cheese was purchased for sandwiches, not for an expensive snack.  Have a peanut butter sandwich.  Or bologna with NO CHEESE.  For Pete's sake!!!! (/rant off)

And I guess I thought that the working thing (I know it was stupid to think so but...) would give him more energy to help around the house.  But I'm still mowing the lawn, taking down the garbage, laundry, etc.....

Frankly, I'm disappointed.  But I know that's not realistic.  I don't really get too angry with DH, although I do spend a lot of time trying to explain to him that if he budgeted right, he could have fast food every day of the week and have change left over....or....maybe even be able to buy something that he wants, like a CD or something....I get angry with bipolar.  As some of you've said before, sometimes it's like I have another kid and not a life partner.  But sometimes I do have a husband--just not one that can handle money any more.  Sigh.  More on this in the next post.

5 comments:

GB's Mom said...

Have you ever heard of an "external brain"? You are your husbands external brain with money. In people with FASD and Bipolar, an external brain is needed because of impairments in executive function. My daughter-in-law provides that function for my son. (Bipolar). Sometimes it DOES feel like you are the only adult in the house. {{{Hugs}}}

In the Pink said...

I feel bad for you having to take so much responsibility for him. I am Bipolar 1 and on meds and I handle paying the bills in my household.
I do not mean to be presumptuous but is he on the right meds? Who knows, right?

Then again my BF has Bipolar and she does not handle the bills in her house. Just depends on the individual. I wish you more strength and joy in your relationship. I know it can be hard but you seem to do very well. I appreciate your blog.

perphila said...

It would be nice if the bipolar would let us know what it has decided our partners will be able or not able to do today. It is very hard to balance what you know they were capable of before and can still be quite good at from time to time but on the other hand can be so bad at it that you want to cry. You want your partner to be independent and strong like they used to be. I think you need to see some longer term consistent good choices being made by DH to be able to feel less stressed. That may not happen. I know feel like I am the only parent my kids have with the bad choices Sean makes on a daily basis. I let him do what he can and try and swallow the rest but it is like having a teenage parent as a partner not a adult and it is very heartbreaking. Hang in there.

Miz Kizzle said...

GB's Mom is correct. You are his external brain. Ot must suck to be the only responsible adult in the house. It seems like your DH has some major food issues. (That's a polite way of saying he's a glutton.) You mentioned that he's very overweight. It's probably good that there isn't unlimited cheese and soda in the fridge.
Have you asked your DH to cut the grass? Doubtless he says he'll do it... later. Taking the first step is the hardest but if he were to spend 40 minutes at a stretch on lawn work it wouldn't be too overwhelming for him and it would help you immensely. You could even bribe him with cheese.

Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog and this post is exactly what I am facing right now. My BP husband who was diagnosed in April is not allowed near the money but complains he does not have freedom that he needs to buy what he wants. Ummm neither do i buddy- you threw all we had and more away. He has been self employed which means unemployed right now and has decided to get a job. I needed the reality check that this job wont fix everything, but it's hard not to hope for that given our financial ruin right now.
He just slipped in to another episode the last few days and i am dpubting he will ever be able to keep a job. Only because he doubts too.
So, reality check wins. And yet again, i loose.