Struggling with DD's issues

Ok, it's really tough for me to admit this, but I currently intensely dislike DD.  She has been living in the adult foster care group home for mentally ill adults now for about a year and a half, and every time I talk to her, I am so very glad that she no longer lives in our house....

Last weekend was just an example:  She came home for a visit.  The very first thing she told me when she got in the car was "Mom.  My friend committed suicide yesterday."  I felt terrible.  What an awful thing, even for a mentally stable person to have to cope with.  I was hugely sympathetic, told her that suicide is caused by mental illness, offered to help her in any way I could.  She said "her mom (the friend's mom) is going to let me know when the funeral is."  I told her I would help her get to the funeral and even go with her if she wanted me to.  I just felt so awful for her.  Then, as she was rambling on about it, she stated "And they don't even know if she's going to live."  WHAT?????????????

Turns out the friend wasn't dead after all.
The friend DID attempt suicide, but was already out of the hospital.  DD realized though, that she'd get more attention if her friend actually died, so that's what the story became.  At that point, I wanted to bring her right back to the group home, but I didn't, of course.....she then went on to tell me about (same old story) how she is getting "bullied" at work.  (She works in a supported work environment with behavioral supports and such for people with mental health issues). 

The story on the bullying?  The same thing.  She has latched on to the word "bullying" because so many people are talking about it these days.  Usually, at work, she is the one doing the bullying, is what I am told. 

So we went home, and I clearly explained to DD the difference between attempting suicide and committing suicide.  She said she understood.  I warned DH about this conversation.  And DD?  She told her dad the exact same thing!  "My friend committed suicide."  And he very patiently explained again the difference and that no, she did not.

So cut to Friday.  We got a call that she and the boy who had been "bullying" her, had been given feedback about an inappropriate conversation they were having at work.  The staff at work separated the two, and DD "flipped out".  The group home had to come and bring her home, where they were not able to calm her down.  The episode culminated with DD cutting herself superficially in the arm and being brought to the hospital.  When the nurse called me, she (the nurse) told me that DD has been under a lot of stress at work and also stress from her friend killing herself. I wanted to scream.

I am struggling with the lies and the manipulation.  I know it's hallmark to FASD.  But I am having troubles accepting it.  Frankly, in the "real world", I pick up on people like this and avoid them like the plague.  And DD is no different.  I don't want to spend any time with her.  I don't want her to come over, I don't want to call her.  Because it's all going to be a bunch of drama that isn't true.  And I know that I'm her mom and I said that I'd love her forever.  But I wish she would just stay away.  I don't like her.  And I feel hugely guilty about that. 

Sad tonite

I was getting ready to head to work when my brother called me, to relay the information that my Aunt Judy, who was diagnosed with Lung Cancer last winter, is in the hospital.  She had recently undergone her second Gamma Knife radiation treatment for tumors in her brain.  At this point, they don't seem to be sure as to what is really happening or why, but....she has numerous dementia symptoms suddenly.  She doesn't recognize my uncle or their children, she is very confused.  She can't move her right arm at all, and seems to be blind, too.

The saddest thing is that all the tests that the hospital have done so far show good things physically:  No tumors are currently detectable in her brain at all.  The tumors in her body continue to shrink and no new ones have appeared (She has been taking Tamoxifen, which has been shown to extend the life of lung cancer patients).  Her heart is good, her bloodwork looks good too.  Just her brain isn't ok.

From what I can find on the internet, dementia is a very rare side effect of the Gamma Knife procedure.  Based on what I know about my mom, I'm also wondering if the dementia was already starting, and was just "helped along" by the procedure....but if that was the case, why did there not appear to be any dementia following the first procedure she had in January?  Regardless, things do not look good.

My uncle is thinking that if she does not regain any of her abilities, she may have to be moved to a nursing home or a hospice house.  And his heart is breaking.  And, since this aunt and uncle are probably my most favorite relatives in the universe, except for my mom....well, I'm really sad, too.

I am hoping that it's a temporary setback.  But I knew from the "get-go" that the prognosis for Stage 4 lung cancer was not good.  I guess, since my dad died of lung cancer, I kind of had an idea how things would go....of course, that's like saying that since my mom has Alzheimer's, I know how other Alzheimer's patients will present.....but you know, you try to cling to what's familiar to you, and my dad is/was my sole experience with lung cancer.  And he had brain tumors too, but of course in the 1980's, they didn't have the Gamma Knife radiation, or any of the fancy scans that they have these days.  So it's really like comparing apples to oranges, but I keep doing it.....

Anyhow, if you are a praying type of person, and feel like saying a little prayer for my Aunt Judy and my Uncle Neil, I would greatly appreciate it, and probably they would, too.

DD got arrested.

It was all set:  DD was going to go to a "prom" for special needs kids on Saturday night.  The program that was putting on the prom was also providing donated dresses etc. to all the girls, and the cost would be minimal (about $10.00).  Since this would probably be the only prom that DD might be able to attend, it quickly became a big deal.  The foster mom helped DD select a dress and shoes (this had to be done at a time when I had to be at work, or actually, on my way home from work)....and I was going to chaperone up until I had to leave for my part-time job, and then the foster mom would take over.

I got a call from the foster mom on Friday, while I was still on my way home from work.  The first thing she says, in a very kind and sad way, was that DD was not going to be able to stay there any more.  Apparently, DD had been disruptive three days in a row, and was currently in the midst of a full-blown tantrum.  I could hear DD screaming in the background.  Apparently the tantrum was because DD asked the foster mom to take her to town so that she could look at more dresses.  Foster mom said (and rightly so), "We've already spent quite a bit of time looking at dresses, and you've already picked one out.  So let's just try to be happy with that..." and DD didn't like that, so the screaming began.

I think the foster mom thought the worst was over when she called, because they had finally succeeded in getting DD to go into her room (after many belligerent refusals).  But I could tell, from the sound of the screaming, that it was actually still escalating.  Since I had gotten a kind of "you didn't handle this quite right" once, when DD's therapist and social worker had suggested that I call the area mental health crisis line and instead I called 911, I advised the foster mom to call the crisis line.  Unfortunately, they won't deal with a crisis involving a person who has exhibited self-injurious or assaultive behavior.  While she was making this call, though, DD came out of her room and began to assault the foster mom in front of the other kids, so foster Dad called 911.  DD tried to escape out of her bedroom window, but failed to take into consideration that her room was on the second floor.....The police came, and tried to talk to DD and calm her down, but she was "mouthy" to them and very disrespectful.  She shoved the foster mom while the police were there, so DD has now been arrested for Domestic Assault, and also "Public (something--I'm not sure what)" because she did it in front of the other kids.  So she's been in jail.  I could not find out any information beyond that, as she's now 18 and we are not her guardian(s) yet--the court hearing is actually on Monday, May 16--now it sounds like they are going to try to combine the guardianship hearing with her first court appearance for these charges.....

DH, when I told him about the first phone call, the one where I could hear DD screaming, wanted to go over there and try to calm her down.  I told him not to.  After all, this was a foster home that was supposedly very experienced, and I tried to remind him of all the times when neither he nor I had been able to calm her down in this situation.....so he didn't go.  But when he found out she had been arrested, he had some unusual type of breakdown.  He was sobbing about how scared she must be, and how if only he had gone over there, he could have calmed her down.....and all that kept flashing in my mind was DH saying "Call 911--I can't take this any more!"  And the mental picture of DD attacking DH with the bicycle pump.  It was clear to me that his thinking was "weird".  But he couldn't calm himself down.  He was just distraught, and I was at a loss as to how to handle it.  He said it felt like he was having constant panic attacks, and he was so upset....I suggested he take a Lorazepam, but he hasn't needed to use them very often, so when he ran out recently, he hadn't called in for a refill.  He couldn't stop crying, and he couldn't sleep, and he completely blamed himself for DD ending up in jail.  I ended up suggesting that he take an extra dose of Seroquel--he takes 100mg nightly now, but also used to have an order to take an extra 50mg as needed, although he usually chose not to, because it made him so tired.  So I figured it would be ok if he took that.  And he fell asleep and slept all night.  But it was very weird/scary.  His thoughts haven't been so disorganized, and his emotions haven't been this out of control for a very long time.  When he woke up today, he seemed somewhat better (no more crying), but he was still wayyyy off....really lethargic, mopey, very sad.....he did go to work today, though, so I'm hoping that once he gets into the routine there, maybe his brain will do a little bit of a "reset" and he'll feel better....

DD called collect from the jail today.  I asked her how she was doing and she said "Mom, I'm fine.", in a rather disrespectful tone of voice.  I told her that Dad and I were very worried about her, and she said "Well I'm SORRY!" in a way that clearly suggested that she was not sorry.  So that ended a lot of my direct sympathy for her at the moment.....

I'm really sad for her.  I'm sure jail is quite a shock to her, and like nothing she's ever experienced before.  Unfortunately, I don't believe that the experience will cause her to rethink her actions in the future--I still think that she is not properly medicated.....

And then there remain a lot of questions.  This foster care arrangement was kind of a last-resort thing, because group home funding was not available.  The foster home will not take her back, for sure.  DD's social worker had not been planning on attending court on Monday, she felt that there would be no opposition to us being guardians, so she was not going to clear her schedule for that.  Now I'm really hoping that she recognizes that this is yet another crisis, and that I/we really need her help.  If DD is released from jail after the guardianship hearing, she will have no place to stay.  She could probably stay at our house for a couple of days, but beyond that, we cannot and don't want to be dealing with these tantrums again.  All of her belongings are still at the foster home, but it really doesn't make any sense to pack all of that up until we know what the plan is.....

So once again the situation with DD involves "flying by the seats of our pants"--we weren't expecting this so soon, we certainly weren't expecting the foster parents to give up so quickly, and I am afraid for DD's future.

It's going to hit the fan tonite.

Well, we had just tentatively made the decision to plan for DD to come back home after her stay at the RTC.  The staff there had made such a point of telling us "how she's turned it around" and "she's really working hard to make this work", so we felt like she should have a chance.

That was less than a week ago.

Over the weekend, she was assaultive towards another kid and a staff, then ran away from the RTC and the police brought her back.  She continued to be verbally abusive to staff and peers after this, and bordering on becoming physical again, so the staff there has changed their recommendation to a group home or foster care setting.

They're going to tell her tonite.  And I'm certain that it won't be pretty.

We will be meeting with DD, therapist and staff tomorrow night.  Not looking forward to the blame that she will heap on us for the choices she made.  But they were her choices.

I'd like to say I'm surprised, but I thought all along that this was what the outcome would be.  I was hoping I was wrong.

Since she's on the brink of 18, there will be a lot to learn....for sure.

In my "bad mom" moments I just want to wash my hands of the whole situation, but I (most of the time) love her too much to give up completely.

The RCT told us to prepare for phone calls tonite.  Yikes.

P.S.  We still have not heard anything about DH's disability--it's been 6 weeks now, and they said 2-4.....probably not a good sign :-(

DD & DH

We have now set things up so that DD comes home every other weekend for a visit.  However, since I'm still working 2 jobs, I haven't been all that involved in the visits--it's been mostly DH.  DD had an exceptionally good visit two weeks ago, where she was like the kid that she was before the worst of this stupid stuff happened.  Both DH and I enjoyed the visit tremendously, and were hoping for more.

This week, however, I'm seeing/feeling things I don't know how to describe.  First off, when we were scheduling the visit, DD got angry with me when I wouldn't do things her way.  She hung up on me.  I imposed a consequence.  That was all normal and as good as can be expected.  But I think since DH had so much fun during the last visit, he's really jumping the gun with this one.  DD's consequence still has not been performed, I think DH has forgotten about it completely.  He consulted with me after we got her home for the visit and asked if I thought it would be ok if she had her friend over for a sleepover.  I said "we should wait and see how she does tonite and tomorrow morning before we decide."  To me that sounded like a "let's evaluate this together when we get to tomorrow."  But to DH it sounded like "if you think she's been good enough, go ahead."  So he decided it was ok.  And I'm pretty frustrated about that.  But maybe it was my fault for not communicating clearly what I was expecting.  I know that when my "gut" feeling is that I'm mad, and I can't put into words why that is, there's still probably a legitimate reason.

Then, Friday was payday for both DH and me.  It's the day when I give DH his "fun money" allowance for the week.  I normally get home from work at 6:45pm.  He had already called me on my drive home to see where I was and did I have his money?  But I had to stop at a place to pet-sit (it's kind of my intermittent 3rd job) for some people before I got home.  So....while I was still driving to the pet-sitting, he called again asking where I was.  And then after I had been there for 10 minutes, he called AGAIN.  Then, when I turned on to our road, DH apparently got both girls in the car and drove up the road to intercept me on the way so that he could get his stupid money as fast as possible.  I'm irritated about this, to say the least.

This was a remnant of one of our/my problems when DD was living at our house--DH is not a dad to her a lot of the time, he's like another kid.  He just wants to have fun as much as DD and he does not make being a parent or setting a good example a priority.  And she takes full advantage of it.  So it makes me angry with both of them, although I realize intellectually, DD is just doing what kids do: taking advantage of a lack of limits wherever she can find them.  There's no excuse for DH not to step up to the "dad" plate.  But then I fall into the "how much is he capable of, am I expecting too much with his mental health issues?"

On a better (for my sanity) note: The residential treatment center where DD is staying is going to petition to have her stay there past her 18th birthday.  This is a big relief to me, because they were really pressuring me to decide if she was going to come home or not and, while I don't think it's realistic to think that she's "better" enough to come home, I also don't want to be the meanie who basically (in DD's mind anyhow) says "we don't want you any more."  We've already had some set-to's on that issue, because DD now knows that if she cannot improve her behavior, there is a group home placement in her future, and she is hurt and angry about it.  So the fact that the RTC does not think she is ready to go anywhere is a big relief to me.  Maybe a miracle will happen and she will be able to turn things around to where we could make it work.  And if she can't, maybe we can procrastinate that decision to where there is less stress and drama in my life at the time (I know--how likely is that?)

The saddest holiday I can remember....

Hi everyone...I'm so sorry to be sad during what is usually my favorite time of the year....and really, for the most part, things are looking up more than I had recently imagined that they could.

The thing is....I'm afraid I'll be losing my mom soon.  She now has a 3rd UTI and the bacteria culture shows that it is Vancomycin Resistant Enterococcus, or VRE, for short.  For you and I, even though it's a bacteria that's resistant to most antibiotics (but not all), it really doesn't affect us, because our immune system(s) can take care of it.  But in people with weak immune systems, it is very hard to get rid of.  The nurse practitioner at the nursing home says that she thinks that my mom may get better temporarily, but we will probably never be "rid" of this infection.  She is being treated with Macrobid, which is one of the very few antibiotics that have proven effective against this bug.

Sadly, despite the antibiotics, which were started four days ago, I am not seeing that she is "getting better" much.  Yesterday she seemed to be alert for about an hour.  Today I went to supper with her, and got her to eat a little bit, but then suddenly, she couldn't stay awake any more.  I left feeling so very down and heartbroken.  I haven't wanted to write this post, because I've been afraid on some level, that I might "jinx" things--even though I know I really couldn't, somehow, I'm still strangely superstitious.

Here is what I am seeing/thinking, and I am very much hoping that I am wrong, and willing to be wrong and admit it proudly....but.....

My mom is still not eating much.  She eats more when I am able to be at the meal with her and coax her to take a few bites.  Based on my "career" with trying to become a size 5, I can guesstimate that at the meals where I am present, she is only eating about 100 calories or so.  And I'm told that she "eats better" for me than for the aides.  Many times when I cannot be with her at mealtimes, she refuses to eat at all.  I'm a little confused about this because of the dementia.  I know that when someone "stops" eating, it's a clear sign that the end will be coming soon.  But with Alzheimer's, I'm not completely sure if she has stopped eating because of that reason, or if she has stopped because she doesn't feel the hunger, doesn't remember why it's important to eat....?  I don't know if it even matters....Even when I'm feeding her, she gets to a point where she absolutely won't eat another bite--I guess when the time comes where she is "done" eating before she even starts, then I'll have a clearer idea of what's really happening with that.

I suspect that I may not even have time to worry about that.  These nonstop UTIs have really been wearing her down.  The nurse practitioner says that my mom's immune system is fading and she is no longer able to fend off any of these infections.  So at this point, the eating/non-eating issue may be moot, because of the infection(s).  Especially this most recent one.  I thought my mom would at least "bounce back" a little when they started the Macrobid, but that hasn't been the case so far.

Yesterday, Christmas Day, was very sad for me, too.  I was really torn as to how to do things and I'm afraid I didn't do a very good job.  DD was allowed to come home for a visit.  And since she hadn't seen many of our extended family since she went to the treatment center, I thought it was important that she be able to attend our traditional "family" Christmas and know that she was still included in the family.  But what that meant, unfortunately, was that my mom would be absent from the get-together, because at the moment, she is not able to provide much assistance when it comes to getting her in and out of the car, or in and out of the wheelchair....and my brother's home has lots of stairs, even just to go inside.  So I made the decision that DD would attend the Christmas with DH and I, then we would rush home and I would spend supper with my mom.  And we will have a "special" Christmas celebration on Jan. 1, where my brother has promised to bring his two little boys, so "grandma" can see them opening presents.  I hope she is well enough at that point.  I'm a little worried that, if things keep going the way they have these last couple of days, she might be bedbound by then.  I am so much hoping and praying that is not the case.  But I have never gone through this with anyone before, so I don't really know what to expect other than from here on out, it's probably not going to be easy or fun.

I feel like I've been focusing so much energy on my mom lately, that I (once again) have been falling down in the other areas of my life--you all know I tend to do this, but I don't think my family realizes it yet.....when things are really really bad, I tend to not want to talk to anyone except maybe DH.  So I haven't been communicating with friends who've reached out to me, both from this blog and from my old job that I got laid off  from.....I haven't been living up to my own expectations of myself.   And that doesn't help me feel any better.



I'm sorry I'm so sad tonite.  But I knew I could tell you about it.

"Your family has been selected...."

…to take part in our "Giving Tree" program for needy families."

That’s a weird feeling, when you get that call….I went through the gamut of emotions—my first thought was "We’re not needy, we’re just broke!" After all, even though I know I/we don’t make much money, we’re over the poverty level, and there’s food to eat and a house to live in….and all…..

Then I started wondering about who had nominated us for the program. They must know that we’re struggling, that I’m trying so hard, and that we could use a little boost. Who could it be, though? I don’t bring it up to people (except you)—I usually try hard to pretend that I’m just like everyone else (who has discretionary income and TV and doesn’t have to keep the thermostat at 58*) and if someone does comment about how frugal I am, I just tell them I’m a cheapskate. So who could know? I was touched, though, and while I thought about this, I felt like crying, because someone out there understood.

And then I started wondering if maybe I’m not hiding it as good as I thought I was, and maybe I look/act poorer than I think. That made me sad and made me feel kind of like a failure.

And then I started imagining what DD would get for Christmas without "help", and what she might get if I accept the "help" and there was no question about it. I’m accepting it, no matter what, but I still feel weird.

It’s a weird feeling, for sure.

"That Mom"

Whoa.  You would not believe the stupidity in our house in the last month or so (or maybe you would, LOL).  To explain it properly, I need to remind you that some time ago it was discovered that our roof was leaking.  DH and I both knew that we had to find a way to get that fixed before winter.  Our house is divided into three parts.  The first part (including basement) was built in 1910.  That part actually burned down later, so the basement was built in 1910, and the house part on top of it was built in 1917.  An addition was added on in the 1940's to add a bathroom and laundry room (before that, the house did not have indoor plumbing).  Then in the 1970's, the "big part" of the house was added on, providing a living room and another bedroom.  It's the part that was added on in the '40s that needed roofing the most.  Since doing the entire house was not financially feasible at this time, I/we opted to just do the 1940's part, which is the part that was leaking the worst.

I had managed to save up $2000 to pay someone to get this done, as I knew that DH could not be depended on to be able to get it done and I (with my new job) (and serious lack of skills and knowledge) was not going to have time.  Then DH and I started talking about how maybe if we asked DH's brother to help, instead of hiring someone, we could keep some of that money and put it in savings.  The materials for the roof only cost $700, so we could potentially have some left over!  DH's brother is 35 years old and has never had a job--he has OCD and some other mental health issues (a word to the wise that I did not heed--be aware of the possibilities if close family members of your new love suffer from mental illness) but has done a lot of work on DH's mom's house and he typically (partially due to the OCD) does excellent, by-the-book work.  Our hope was that because it was family, we wouldn't have to pay him much (if anything) for helping, and we could put some money in savings.

So DH's brother agreed to come up, and DH's mom came along to "help".  I hope I've mentioned before that I love my mother in law, because I do.

Now at this point I need to back us up again, to where my mother in law bought me new tires when we couldn't afford them.  She (and her siblings) had sold some land and she had quite a bit of money at the time.  I was very grateful.

Unfortunately, she blew through that money like nobody's business (it only took her about a year of helping her kids and buying stupid stuff and fixing up her house...).  She is now broke and she is even less frugal than DH, if that is possible.  And I mean she is broke.  She cannot afford her medications right now (she's in the 'donut hole').  I've been sending her money here and there to try to help but that is making it even harder for me to pay our own bills.  I've given her a website where she can buy cheap (and safe) medications from overseas.  I've given her a Senior Helpline number that is to help people pay for their medications.  And I've urged her to go to the county and see what help she qualifies for and what programs they might know about that I don't.  She refuses to try any of these things.  She says she will, never does, then asks for more money.

So she and DH's brother show up at our house.  The very first thing that I find out is that DH's mom's tires are so bad that they are "undriveable".  So she drove five hours to our house on undriveable tires and has no money.  Why on earth would she not mention this before setting out?  A trip to the tire shop confirmed that all four tires were scary bad and undriveable and the tire shop guy (who we know to be honest) was too concerned about safety to agree to just selling two tires so.....

We (I) got stuck paying for four new tires for DH's mom's car so that when she went home, she would be safe.  Ok.  That's fair.  She bought me tires, right?  Her new tires cost $733 (she has a Toyota RAV4).  I'm sure you figured out that we didn't have that kind of money budgeted for anything except the roof.

Anyhow, two things happened with the roof that weren't anticipated wholly.  Ok, maybe three things.  First, it was discovered that that particular section of roof not only had two layers of shingles on it, but also, underneath the shingles, were cedar shakes.  That meant a LOT more tearing off of roofing than was anticipated.  The second thing was that DH did not help AT ALL.  NOT ONE BIT.  I think everyone was kind of surprised about that, kind of, but not shocked.  So now DH's brother is re-roofing with absolutely no help at all.  I had at least figured on DH to be able to hand his brother things.  Nope.  The third thing?  DH's brother--he does great work--but he works slower than frozen molasses in January.

So it wound up taking a lot longer than anticipated.  And DH's mom and brother were staying with us.  And every single day she would tell both DH and I that we HAD to put "that dog" to sleep (Sarah).  Finally, DH had to tell her to shut up, because we were both on the brink of saying something not-so-nice to her about it.  But that sort of thing is normal with DH's mom--she's very outspoken and opinionated and doesn't think before she speaks.  She used to tell us to "get rid" of DD, too.  So I wasn't too surprised by this.

I knew I was going to have to pay DH's brother something--it wouldn't be fair not to.  He was doing a LOT more work than I thought he would have to.  I told him that I'd be sending a check home with him but that he wouldn't be able to cash it right away.  He was fine with that and seemed a little surprised and happy that I planned to pay him something.

Anyhow, after they had been there for about two weeks (not a typo) (and yes, we were feeding them most of the time, too), the roof still wasn't done.  But we were going to get a big windstorm, so they decided to go home and come back when the weather was better.  Since I hate having company of any kind, I was fine with that!!!  I came up with $150 extra for gas, etc.  because I knew DH's mom didn't have much money and I was appreciative of their help.

Then they came back.  And everyone was getting frustrated by how slow DH's brother was working, but he was working steady and I knew it would be done right, so even when DH's mom would berate him about how slow things were going, I just kept telling him to not worry about that, because we were just grateful that he was "helping" (or doing all the work).  We were still feeding them (including buying food we wouldn't normally have on hand because DH's brother is a vegetarian), and by this time it was clear that we really hadn't saved ANY money by doing it this way.  In fact, we had gone significantly over budget.  But at least we were getting the work done by someone we trusted (rolling eyes).

Then DH's mom asked me how much we were going to pay his brother.  I (thinking things were normal) told her that I would probably send a check for a hundred dollars home with him and I was going to tell her that he couldn't cash it right away, but she interrupted and started yelling at the top of her lungs that THAT WASN'T ENOUGH.  HE WORKED EVERY DAY.  I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE DOING THIS TO HIM.  I calmly told her that I was working as hard as I could and our budget was not healthy in the first place (I was very tempted to point out that we would have had a lot more money to pay people if we hadn't spent $700+ on tires etc., but I bit my tongue), but she just continued to yell at me.  I was shocked, as I had never seen her like this before.  I honestly don't think I did anything wrong except try not to overspend.  But maybe I did mess up.

Then she abruptly announced that they were leaving, and they did.  They left the roof unfinished.  I sent DH's brother home with two checks.  One for $75 (I figured if I was going to get yelled at anyhow, I might as well not break the bank and do the $100 I was planning on) and a blank check dated three weeks from now, that I planned on telling him the amount as soon as I got paid and knew how much we could afford.

Miracle of miracles, DH was able to finish the shingling.  Kind of.  The shingles are up, anyhow.  The edges still need to be trimmed and the vent isn't right, but the shingles are on, anyhow.  And I guess that's the best it's gonna get for now, because we're getting snow....

Anyhow, DH's mom called and apparently DH's brother is having to turn over his roofing pay to her because his mom is so broke.  So DH's mom wants to know how soon "he" can cash the check(s).  DH told her that I wrote the date(s) on the checks.  She got angry with him when he said he didn't think they could cash the checks early, because he said he had to ask me first.

Then last night, she called again.  In one breath she told DH that she is driving out to Montana (he asked her how and she said she'd find a way (I have no idea why)).  And then she asked if she could cash one of those checks yet.  When DH said he didn't think so, she got angry with him again and then started yelling at him about me.  She apparently told him that I treat the dogs better than I treat him, etc.

And yet she still won't go to the county.  Or try any of the other resources that I gave her.  She'd rather get mad when we don't have the money she wants (and it isn't even hers!).

I started to cry when I was talking with DH about it, and he told me that his mom was like this a long time ago, long before I ever met her.  "Then she got a job and started getting nice."  He wondered if maybe because she's so broke, that she had mental health meds that she wasn't taking (DH thinks his mom wouldn't tell if she was taking those kinds of meds).  He reminded me that I always tell him that "That Guy" is "angry, selfish, and impulsive".  Then he said "maybe this is "That Mom"".  Made me laugh.  But I'm thinking he might be on to something.....

My new job

I think I made a good choice.  Except for the commute, it all seems good--the people (so far anyhow) are nice and don't seem to complain....the culture seems to be a little more laid-back than the corporate one I left, that's a good thing, too--and the training so far....very thorough.  I guess I'll be "in training" for the next few months.  (!)

I don't mind the commute as much as I minded the commute to/from the last job--riding the bus for an hour each way does make it a lot easier!!!  But the fact is that basically I've had a lot of time off this past year, and adjusting to being gone from home for 12 hours a day is tougher than I would like to admit.  And trying to fit my animals and my mom into that schedule....it's going to take some practice!

Right now my plan is to keep the part time job and work two nights a week (Friday and Saturday).  My ideal plan is to put the paychecks from that job into a savings account, and see if I can do without them--if I can, then I can do without that stupid job, too!  If working two extra nights a week on top of the full time job proves to be too much, I'll drop a night.  But I've been with that company for over 5 years, so I don't want to give it up unless I'm sure I really can do it.

On another note....got a phone call from the place where DD is--apparently she ran away last night at 9pm.  I thought that she would be back quickly, because she's not sophisticated enough to come up with a plan, and she's too much of a "country bumpkin" to know what to do on her own in a city, so I was surprised that she did not come back until after midnight (!)  After I finish this, I'm going to call and see what the staff there have to say about that--i.e., what kind of consequences she would be getting....I'm plenty angry....and I was angry before that started, because last week, she had requested that I or DH bring several things from her room at home to where she is now.  I did remember, and I brought what I could find.  When she realized she didn't get everything that she wanted, she started yelling at me.  When I told her I was not going to listen to that and was leaving, she got mad at me for that.  I told her "too bad", I won't be treated like that when I am trying to do something nice for you!  Haven't heard from anyone since then, so I'm kind of wondering about that, too.

I wish I had internet at home.  There's so much to say.....

I'm doing better....

I knew it wouldn't stay like that for long...and Sarah (Woowoo dog) seems a little peppier, too--she even chewed a little on a rawhide, which made me smile....I'm thinking she's totally blind, though, because she keeps falling off the side of the wheelchair ramp on the deck :-(

DH had a rough night at work, and I'm feeling kind of bad that I wasn't very tolerant of his drama (it really wasn't as bad as he was making things out to be).  But then he did call me back and tell me that he knew he was being dramatic(!) and that was shocking!

Sunday, after I get off work at 8am, we have a family reunion and I have to bring my mom (and pick her up at noon).  I wasn't planning on telling her about it, because I think it's going to be extremely difficult for her and for me to pull this off, but my brother asked her if she was going, so then I was kind of stuck. Argh. He's not the one who has to do all this on no sleep!  Of course my mom wants to go.  And she is remembering it.  So there's really no getting out of it, and I probably shouldn't even be thinking that way, since I don't know how many more family reunions she'll get to go to....

Just rambling today, I guess....

Here's something you probably weren't expecting....

I found out this past week that my cousin, age 35, who, up until this year, has never been much interested in girls, is moving in with his first serious girlfriend.  He's brought her to several family functions, and I have to say, I really really like her.  She fits right in and doesn't have a speck of that condescension that DH's brother's ex-wife had.  She's smart, self-reliant, and kind-hearted.  And I'm really excited for my uncle and aunt, who had pretty much written off the possibility of grandchildren at all, ever--to me, this whole thing seems very hopeful and terrific!

So what's the big secret?  I almost can't write this.  I'm blushing, actually. 

I'm jealous.

I don't want to marry my cousin or anything like that.  I'm jealous that he was willing/able to wait until he found "the" one.  I'm jealous that he's found someone that he truly has a lot in common with, someone that....ok, ok....nobody knows the future, and nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.  But I wonder, if maybe I had been choosier about who I got involved with, maybe I'd be happier?

But as I'm writing this, I realize:  I thought I did it right at the time, too.  DH was employed in a management position at a trucking firm.  He was putting away money to help send his brother to art school.  He had his own apartment.  He balanced his checkbook every day.  If he did have a balance on a credit card, he worked overtime to pay it off as fast as he could.

I'm left here thinking "What happened???"

In hindsight, there were some warning signs that I didn't understand at the time--once in a while "That Guy" would pop out, and I would say to myself "Oh, he must be having a really bad day!"  But why would I do anything else????  Sometimes I wonder, though, and I will probably never know for sure, if the mental illness just suddenly manifested itself or if it was really there the entire time and I just wasn't able to or chose not to notice it.....?  Or maybe DH was better able to hide the problems....I imagine, especially when you're dating and not living together, it's easier to "put on your best face" than it is when you are married to someone, for sure....but I still try to analyze it, try to figure out what I "should" have noticed.

So.....yes.....there's a very long post coming in the next few weeks--"Why I stay".  But every time I start writing it, I go off on tangents.  It's coming, though....

Anyhow.  I'm jealous.  Of the hopes and dreams.  Of the possibility of working as a team member, instead of the "coach".  Of the shared interests.  Potential financial security.  And of course, the big elephant in my living room, the babies.....

Nobody has a crystal ball, for sure.  My cousin and his girlfriend might end up being totally incompatible (I really hope not, though, because they seem perfect for each other).  And maybe there really wasn't much way for me to foresee how my life/marriage would turn out.  I guess tonite I'm just wishing my life was the fairy tale I thought it was going to be.

How's that for a pity party?

DD called last night.

She's been moved to a longer-term house on the campus where she's been staying.  (We all [DH, me, the therapist(s), other staff, social worker] had a meeting last week and it was agreed that her violent behavior demonstrated a need for her to stay in residential treatment for as long as 6-9 months...)

Anyhow, apparently it hasn't been going well there.  I know they had taken a weekend "outing", so I wasn't able to call her or find out how she's been doing....so Monday night, she called and said she wants to come home.  She was crying and told me she doesn't like it there.  She told me that she has been getting into a lot of trouble every day, and nobody likes her, not even the therapist.  I asked her how she knew the therapist didn't like her, and she said "because she says I start things."  "Can I please come home?"

I wanted to say "well, you were having those same troubles at home, too--at least there, someone'll do something about it."  But instead I told her I wished she was at home too (a lie--I want the OLD DD back, not this angry and violent DD). 

I felt like my heart was breaking when she started to cry.  But then I realized, as she talked about how nobody likes her, etc., that she still has absolutely NO insight into what the problem(s) are.  It's pretty bad when she's at a place FULL of kids with emotional problems, and none of them like her either....makes me really sad, but also, when I hear that she's having so many troubles there, I know that handling her at home truly would not have been realistic.  I still feel bad.  I wish things were different.  I hope they can get her on the right meds.

A reminder to count my blessings

I must be getting old. I've been reading John Steinbeck's "The Grapes of Wrath" without even being forced to. I found an old copy in a second hand store, and couldn't resist. I'm finding that every time I read some of that book, I realize that even on my worst days, I have so much more than the people who lived the story depicted in that book...It really puts things in perspective. I know I read parts of it in high school, and again I think in college, but I don't remember being this moved by it--maybe because at those stages in my life, I couldn't relate so easily? Not that I can now, really--we all have it so good.

And I'm grateful for the life I have, even if it seems hard sometimes.

Talked to DD on the phone...

Well, earlier in the week I called DD at the hospital and our conversation went like this:
Me: Hi there, how are you doing?

DD: Fine.

(pause)

Me: How's the food there?

DD: Fine.

Me: Are the kids nice?

DD: I guess.

Me: Are you keeping busy?

DD: I guess.

Me: Well, I guess I'll let you go then....I love you.

DD: Ok.

(click)

Last night, I called her again. Here's how it went this time:

Me: Hi, how are you doing?

DD: Hi Mom!!!! I'm good! Guess what, I made a dog that looks like Frosty!

Me: I can't wait to see it! Did your staff tell you that I'll be coming on Saturday?

DD: No they didn't tell me. You';e coming to visit me??? (with a smile in her voice)

Me: Yes, and Dad might come too, if he can.

DD: Dad too? What time on Saturday?

Me: Well, visiting hours are around supper time, so that's when I'll get there.

DD: Ok.

DD: Mom, I've gotta go, someone else wants to use the phone.

Me: Ok, I love you and I'll see you on Saturday.

DD: I love you too Mom.

(click)

Holy cow. I know they've done med changes, but what have they done to her???? Whatever it is, we haven't had a pleasant conversation like this in ages, even if it was a short one. I'm looking forward to seeing her later today.

Guilt and fear. That's what we've got.....

I talked to the staff at the hospital, and they are administering some tests to find out if FASD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder are just the tip of the iceberg. I talked with DD's staff and he told me that DD is "very hurt" by "something her dad said". I'm aware of that, and I know that while DD was in the process of hitting DH, he said, "I'm through with you!". And DD said a whole lot more than that, but of course her words don't count--but DH's will be remembered forever.

I know her penchant for untruthfulness and knowing that she's there in the hospital, I get worried that she's exaggerating or lying and that they will believe her stories. I know that she isn't the first kid to lie though, so they've probably figured some of that out....and I worry about how our family and family dynamics will be perceived. I'm sure that DD will tell them all sorts of bad things about DH (and probably me, too, although she's more upset with DH right now), and won't bother to explain to them that after nearly four years of struggling with mental illness of his own, he has just gotten back to work again and with me being laid off but working for the Census, our family does not have a routine or a lot of stability right now.

Her staff already told me that DD is upset that we haven't come to visit yet. The hospital, though, is two hours away and I don't get paid time off from my part time job. Not to mention that it's virtually impossible to find a replacement at a minutes' notice. So I feel guilty about that, too.

Mostly, though, I feel bad that I haven't been as good of a mom as I could have been. There are so many things I wanted to teach her and experience with her, and all of this working and DH's problems and my mom's problems have really taken that away from us. And now I'm just a "mediocre" mom with a kid who's acting out and somehow it's probably my fault, since DH can't be blamed (since he was completely out of the loop for so long).

They are trying some new medications for her. This hospital (which is a different one from the one she was in last fall) seems like they really want to help.

But you know, just imagining the things that she is saying to them about us makes me very angry and I haven't even heard them yet (this time). But she's said similar things enough times.

Truthfully, part of me wishes that the hospital would say that she SHOULD go to a group home right away. Things seem so peaceful and easy at our house without her. But I miss the nice kid she used to be.

I am going to visit tomorrow. I don't really know how I feel about that.

Peace?

Finally. Kind of. DD and I have made peace. A very hanging-by-a-thread kind of peace, but today I was able to talk to her without her screaming at me, and without her telling me "it's not my fault", and without her insulting me. I guess it's a start. After telling me in one breath "I'm moving out. I already talked to my bio mom and she says I can move back there" (of course she says that--it was the courts that took DD out of there in the first place and the courts would not allow DD to go back there before she turns 18)--I called her bluff. I said "well, if that's how you feel, I guess...." I know she wanted me to buy into all her drama and say "oh no! Don't go!!!" But I won't give her that card to play for every time she's mad. So I just said "I hope things are more fun for you there." Once I said that, she said "But Mom, I LOVE it here. I just thought it'd be easier if I left." (yes, it probably would, but that's not what families do if they can possibly avoid it...)

DH, I sense, is torn. He loves DD and wants things to be ok. But she's been getting more and more violent with these tantrums, and all the pdoc does is raises her dosage(s). DH tends to lean towards the "we might as well give up now" viewpoint. He wants her to go away so he doesn't have to deal with her any more.

And that leaves me torn all asunder. I love DD so much. But I absolutely HATE her behavior and I don't' know how to make it better. I know she's really gotten the "short end of the stick" these last couple of years, with DH being unstable and my mom being sick....I know that in a perfect world she should have and would have gotten a lot more attention than she has.

I feel, though, the same way about her tantrums as I feel about "That Guy". I hate them and want to do anything to get rid of them. Somehow, though, in the same way that I am able to separate "That Guy" from DH, I am able to see that the tantrums aren't the only facet of my daughter. I don't want her to go anywhere. Unfortunately, DH says he does want DD to leave.

Now, since I've been the "person in control" for the last few years in our house, I probably do have the power to override him and allow DD to stay. And in fact I will probably do that, because I don't give up that easily. But it is going to cause a rift in our marriage. I feel like I'm kind of taking advantage of the (previous few years) situation. But I do feel strongly that if DD goes anywhere, she will be forever damaged. More than she is now. And while I might not be the best mom that could have happened to her, and DH not the best dad, she's got us and if we give up on her, the message that sends is so much bigger than anything that she's done.

I don't want to fight with DH about this. I know he has a right to be hurt and angry. I need some help here for sure. I see my therapist later this week, I'll probably ask her about the situation. And I've set up an appointment with DD's social worker on Monday, too--I don't know if there is any respite type thing available to us, but it would be nice if we could take advantage of something like that if it was available.

I guess what it boils down to is that when I talk to DH, I am going to have to remind him that I did not give up on him when things were at their worst--when he was going to bars, stealing from me, meeting up with old girlfriends (he only did that once that I'm aware of), etc....and that I'm not going to give up on DD either. Hopefully he'll understand.

Oh--P.S. There is a rule in our house. DD is not allowed to cook on the stove unless she is supervised. She gets very angry about that rule, because she thinks she is old enough to cook whenever she wants. And she has been very sneaky about it. I haven't said much about it, but I have stopped buying eggs (one of the things she likes to cook) etc. We've had bigger battles to fight, or so I thought...

Today I ran to my mom's house. DH was sleeping, DD was in her room. When I came back, about an hour and a half later, I walked in the door and was assailed by fumes. For some reason I got scared when I smelled that smell, but it took me a few minutes to realize what it was. Then it dawned on me. Propane. Lots of propane. I asked DD "did you use the stove?" I didn't expect her to be honest, and I didn't think she had used the stove. I was thinking we had a bad, bad, leak. I was about to wake up DH and have him help me get everyone out, when DD said, in a small, surprisingly honest voice "yes". I ran to the stove and discovered that one of the burners was on, but no flame. The house was full of fumes. I opened up all the windows and very quietly told DD what could have happened. And explained that things like that are why I want her to be supervised when she cooks. And for once she didn't say "It wasn't my fault!" All she said was "I'm sorry." That was when I knew we might get through all this somehow.

I finally did it.

I figured that since I have some time on my hands, it would be a good time to start counseling for myself. I had my first appointment yesterday. It was kind of awkward, it seemed like the counselor (a lady, younger than me) kept waiting for me to talk, and I'm a quiet person. I told her what's been going on (you all know that), and that I'm feeling stressed out, scared, and overwhelmed. I told her that I try very hard to accept DH's mental illness but that sometimes I can't tell if it's his mental illness that makes him a slug, or if he's just being lazy. I told her that sometimes I resent him for not contributing more, and that I wished we could be a team again, instead of me doing everything or nagging until he does SOMETHING.

But she really didn't have much to say. So I'm not sure about this....but I know you've got to start somewhere. There aren't a lot of counselors/therapists in our area, and I had to find one who wasn't already familiar with our family/situation. I don't know if she's any good. Maybe she's just waiting until I show up in the middle of a crisis so she can help me "get through" it?

I haven't heard back from that interview yet (the one at my old company) but I'm sure it wouldn't be good news anyhow....bleh. I get angry just thinking about it. I know it probably wasn't meant to be, but jeez.....

I had no idea.

I had no idea that I would respond to losing my job by freaking out. I haven't even officially lost it yet, but I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding and all I can think is "What am I going to do????" Last night I had a dream about all the people I got laid off with, all the people I've worked with for (nearly) decades....I woke up and was sad. Then I immediately shifted into the "What am I going to do?" mode and couldn't get back to sleep.

In all reality, I did not like the job. And I hate(d) the commute. In all reality, I have more opportunities than most, and at least one plan, maybe more than one plan, if the dislocated worker people come through with some paid training.

I already have a part time job, which I am in no danger of losing.

I knew the layoff was coming, I knew it as soon as the outsourcing was announced.

So why am I freaking out???????

Probably because I've never, since I was 16, been unemployed. And I've always been one of those people who (smartly) found the next job before leaving the previous one. But now I have to sit here and wait. I could apply for all sorts of stuff, stuff that pays $9 an hour, with the 2 hour commute....or I can sit and wait and see if a) more people are hiring after the holidays and b) am I going to get some (re)training. It just kills me to send in my resume for a job 90 miles away, that pays so little. But I know that beggars can't be choosers, either....it gives me a headache just thinking about it all....

DH is, unfortunately, not much more motivated than usual. He hasn't gone out to look for a job since that one day. I hope, though, that he got the plow hooked up to the four-wheeler, because we are going to get walloped in the snow department.

I'm kind of excited about a big snowstorm. Especially since I don't have to work anywhere on any of the days....I had taken a vacation day for Dec. 24, and of course I'm off on the 25th....don't have to be anywhere until Saturday night :-)

Plus, I get paid from both jobs on the 24th, and I have only done about $15 in Christmas shopping so far....but that was GOOD shopping, LOL. I got DD an Aeropostale hoodie and a brand new pair of jeans at the thrift store, for .75 EACH!!!! And then a gorgeous sweater for her (but I'm not sure if it'll fit or not) for $3.50. And I got DH two coffee mugs that are from the "fixit" store "Menards"--the handles are shaped like bolts, they're like little tool mugs (yup, at the thrift store, too)....

Right now my plan is....leave work Wednesday a couple of hours early, take a couple of hours of vacation. Get to WalMart asap, and since it will be Dec. 24 by then, finish up my shopping. But if the weather's too bad, I'll just stick with what I've got, because it's such a long drive. From what I've heard, the snow isn't supposed to start until late tomorrow (Wednesday) night, then we can (according to the latest forecast) expect up to 20 inches(!) of snow! So I'm hoping we don't have to drive down to my brother's for Christmas dinner (that's a 90 mile drive, too) and maybe we can postpone. That'd be a nice present for me!

I've pretty much told myself that job-hunting is just going to have to wait until Christmas....but I'll keep checking all the good "jobs" sites and force myself to apply for at least one or two, just to make myself feel like I'm doing something besides just sitting here....

Oh. Forgot to tell you....tomorrow I'm scheduled to take the test to be a census worker in my county....it would pay better than McDonalds if I could get that...I know the jobs are temporary, but I don't know how long they last...but at least it would be a little extra coming in....they say it's "to my benefit" to work as much as I can....I think I'd feel better about myself if I could get up and go to work....well, who knows....I might not even be in the running for the Census job(s). There are so many people out of work, especially in my area, it's hard to be optimistic....but I'll try!

Humility

Today I brought my mom to the church services that they hold in the nursing home that is attached to the assisted living where my mom lives. Every week a pastor from a different church in town (they take turns) comes and holds a short service. The one this week was really dry. He kind of jumbled a bunch of bible verses together and I didn't understand what the point of the sermon was, so I know my mom didn't, then, the songs he chose were unfamiliar, and since most of the "churchgoers" can no longer read or write, that kind of flopped, too. (Most pastors choose things like "Amazing Grace" and "Rock of Ages", hymns that all the seniors know and love).

So on the way back to her apartment, when my mom started to lament that there hadn't been ice cream for lunch, I offered to bring her to Dairy Queen, and she got really excited. Unfortunately, when we got out to my car, I saw that I had a flat tire.

I've been babying my tires, all four of them for weeks now. Every day I need to put air in one or more of them. They're really old, and I've been trying to hold out "for a couple more weeks, until I can afford to get some better ones." But it's just been so hard to come up with that money. I knew I wasn't going to be able to put it off any longer.

My mom was kind of upset about not being able to go to Dairy Queen. So when I called DH to come and help, we took her there first. Then we stopped and bought a can of fix-a-flat and used that to get the car to the tire store, where we left my car for the overnight.

I went home and tried to take a nap before work, but all I could think was "I can only come up with enough money (maybe) to buy two used tires at the most. But I know I need four tires. So should I put the two better tires on the back (because that's where the worst tires are) or in the front because that's where one would normally put the "better" tires?" And I was really getting myself down, because it feels like we're just getting farther and farther behind. (I just finally got the bill paid off at the vet's office from when Kirby died and I've started getting the bills from when DH was hospitalized for the H1N1, and I have no idea how to pay those either). It's just been so hard. There's absolutely no wiggle room, for when something like this happens. And my car has 250,000 miles on it, so I know there'll be more "somethings", for sure. I was worried that I might not even have enough "wiggle room" on my credit card for the two used tires. Maybe not even one. I couldn't sleep. But I tried.

When I got up, DH said, "well, I've got some good news, I think..." and I thought he was maybe joking. But he told me that his mom (my mother in law) had called him and he told her about my/our day. And I guess when he told her that I've had four bad tires for a while now and just kept driving, hoping nothing would go wrong, she got kind of angry and told him that I drive too far to be doing that. And he told her that I was doing the best I could. And she told him that she wasn't going to sit home and worry about me driving "all that way" on tires like that, she's buying me four brand new tires(!) When DH told me this, I couldn't stop crying.

It used to be, when DH's mom offered me money, I would always say no. She's not my mom, I'm (supposedly) a self-supporting adult, and I didn't want her to think that I was a "mooch". It's hard for me to realize that at this point, I really don't have much of a choice. I owe so many people for so many favors and handouts. It's really a blow to my pride. I just keep telling myself that things won't be like this forever (I hope, anyhow), and someday I'll be able to show my mother in law and everyone else who's helped me out, that I really do appreciate and remember.

Happy Thanksgiving!

What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Whatever it is, I hope it's full of family, food, and love......

I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner at my mom's apartment. I suggested to my brother that the 2 hour drive to his house might be hard on my mom. But when I brought it up to her, she wanted to go. My brother "compromised", by telling her that he'd come up with his family to visit over the weekend. I got the impression that he was happy we weren't coming. That made me kind of sad, but it is a long drive....

So anyhow, when I get home from work in the morning, I'm going to make the Hillbilly Housewife's Easy Crockpot Stuffing (see my blogroll for a link to her amazing site)...and then take a nap for a couple of hours. Then I'm going to my mom's to get the turkey started. If I organize it right, there's really not too much to do.

Here's our menu:
Turkey (cooked in a Reynolds oven bag--the only way I can consistenly get a really moist turkey!)
Stuffing (see above)
Mashed potatoes and gravy....I'm not very good at making my own gravy, so I did buy a backup jar :-)
Candied sweet potatoes
Watergate salad (with pistachio pudding, marshmallows, Cool Whip, and fruit coctail....)(I'm going to have my mom make this, I think it'll make her feel good to be a part of things)
Jellied cranberry sauce (from a can)
Some kind of rolls
Pickles/olives
Pumpkin pie

That ought to be enough, right? I'm hungry.

Black Friday....I'm sleeping in. Not sure how shopping will work this year, but right now there is $34 in my bank account, and I'll be needing cat/dog food....so no Christmas presents yet....I've been trying to figure out why things feel tougher this year than they did last (financially) and maybe it's just because I'm tireder(?)

Today when I got up (after 6 hours of sleep) DD, who didn't have school today, said "Mom! Your eyes are really white!"

Sigh.

Anyhow, I hope all of you have a wonderful holiday, and don't spend too much on Black Friday....I'll talk to you soon!