Trapped

DH's mom sent him $70.00 for gas and cigarettes. He went to Spenders Anonymous on Saturday, he said the meeting was good. They talked about the pain their actions have caused others. I thought that was a relevant topic, for sure!

Then, last night when I was at work, he asked me to "stop by and pick up a pack of cigarettes on your way home." I said, "I thought you had $70.00." He sounded kind of sheepish when he said, "Well, on my way to Spenders I stopped at McDonalds. Then on my way home, I stopped at Hardees. Oh. And I stopped at Target and bought a computer game, too. Yeah, on the way home from Spenders, even. I guess I didn't get the message."

I didn't even have it in my to be angry. Just sad. Really sad. And tonite I feel trapped. This person I'm married to, he doesn't make any sense. He's spending me into oblivion, and I'm working myself to death. And right at this moment, I don't see much of a way out of it. I wish I did. But tonite I feel trapped.

A little mania can be nice...

I think the Abilify is making DH just a LITTLE bit manic. He's been smoking more, and sleeping less. But I haven't seen anything (since Saturday) that made me too worried. Mostly, I think, whatever is going on, has been very good!

DH actually did ALL the laundry in the house (and it was pretty backed up!), folded it, and put it away. He called an electrician and found the true cause of the problem with the lights in DD's bathroom. He vaccuumed and also visited my mom!

Wow.

And the conversations with him have been very laid back, easy-going, kind of like they were when we first got married. I guess I didn't realize that we hadn't had that for a long time, until we suddenly did again.

Oh--and he agreed to start going to Spenders again. I told him I wasn't buying him any cigarettes until he promised me that he would. Now that he's promised, he seems pretty excited!

On a slightly more stressful note, one of DH's friends that he worked with a LONG time ago just "up and came over" today. We weren't expecting him at all, and of course the house was in chaos....although less chaos than usual, due to DH! I knew DH had talked the this person on the phone last week, and DH had told me that he had not told his friend what's been going on with him. I understand why, of course, but I don't have the exact plan for what DH told him, so I was afraid I was going to say something that would blow it.

I think this friend, though, has some kind of idea, because he used to come up to our place almost every weekend, but then when DH started "getting weird", he just stopped calling and he stopped coming by. I figured it was just one of those things that comes with mental illness. Now that he's back, I'm not sure what to think.

Anyhow, DH had allowed DD to rope him into appearing at her school to talk about his "career(s)". I had very grave concerns about this, for so many reasons. But DH was sure that he could do it, so that was that. Luckily, though, I guess, DH's friend went with him, because DH said "my thoughts were all jumbled. I was done in 5 minutes. I didn't know what to say." So DH's friend, who was a truck driver and is now retired, took over. So maybe his showing up at our house was just an angelic way of saving DH's face.

Oh. And leave it to Carol to open her big mouth! DH's friend told a joke, so I told a joke about G.W. Bush. I'm definitely not a fan of his. But after I told the joke, DH laughed out loud, and the friend gave a polite laugh. Then we found out that not only is he a Republican, but he is an ardent fan of George W. Oops. I guess I thought EVERYONE disliked Bush. Note to self: Only tell safe jokes when you are in the company of someone you don't know well.

Am I the one being a jerk here?

Well, today was another weird day. I think DH is having some depression, and various physical symptoms, it's hard to tell what is what. He had his Cat Scan, but hasn't gotten the results yet. He's convinced that it was all a big waste of time. In the meantime, I decided that I was going to try to give him $40 a week for kind of an "allowance" because I hate feeling like a jerk when he asks me for money all the time. I figured, well, he smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. At $4.50 a pack, that's what, 31.50 for a weeks worth of cigs? And that would leave him $8.50 to buy pop or whatever else he thought was important. Considering the state of our finances, I thought this was a good plan. He did too, when I gave him the $40 on Friday and told him my idea. However, today (please note it is exactly ONE day later) he needs money for a pack of cigarettes. He cannot account for where the money went. ARGH.

But that is not what this post is about, not really. Do you (for those of you who've been reading this for a while) remember my "gold" dollars? If you don't, please click on the link to get caught up. Anyhow, a while after that, I had started to collect the gold dollars again. Anyhow, here's where I started to be a jerk: DH came home from his Spenders meeting and I realized that he had bought a non-diet pop. (Remember that his blood sugar was in the 500's earlier this year). So I saw it sitting there on the table and, well, it somehow (wink wink) fell into the garbage. DH realized that I must've had something to do with that, and since DD had just scooped the litter boxes and taken out the garbage, I couldn't give him his pop back (at least I couldn't give it back to him in a non-poopy state), even if I had wanted to. I know this was kind of controlling of me. But I also knew that he wouldn't refrain from drinking it if I just politely asked. Anyhow, when he didn't get his pop back, he took my gold dollars hostage. He said I could have them back when I gave him his pop back. (Isn't this childish?, I know it is--on my part, too) Anyhow, this bothered me hugely, because he had already stolen my gold dollars once and spent a good portion of them. Now here he was taking them from me again. I knew he didn't see it that way, though, and I didn't want to start something, so I pretended like it didn't bother me at all. But it sure did. I was fairly sure that he wouldn't spend them, but I"ve been wrong before....

Then, for some reason, later in the day, he started talking about the 4-wheeler.

He started begging me to go for a ride on it, he was sure I would really have fun. I told him I just couldn't. Then I got the bright idea of telling him I would go for one ride if he would give me back my gold dollars. It was a deal. So he gave me back the gold dollars and I was all set to grit my teeth for the ride. But then he told me that I was going to love it, and I told him I wasn't at all. He told me that if I had forgiven him for buying it, and I was (and still am) paying for it, I might as well enjoy it. I told him that I just couldn't. The 4-wheeler was something that he chose to do, knowing (in some part of his mind, anyhow) that we couldn't afford it, that I didn't want it, didn't even KNOW about it, and had no use for it. To me it felt like a betrayal, although I didn't use that word when I was talking with DH. I wasn't trying to make him feel bad. I just wanted him to know that I just can't ever see myself enjoying that machine.

To me, it felt kind of the same as if he had cheated on me and then wanted me to be friends with the lady he cheated with. Yes, she might be very nice. Yes, we probably would enjoy each others' company, but it AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! Anyhow, DH got rather upset as I tried to explain this the best I could without pointing out things that he had done that I didn't handle well (and am still trying to get a grip on). He got a little angry because I keep saying that I have forgiven him and yet I won't just learn to love the 4-wheeler. But I feel the same way about the laptop and the digital camera. I won't have anything to do with them. I've forgiven (or so I thought) DH for the spending sprees that bought those things. But I still don't want to play with them.

He got rather disgusted and said he didn't want to go for a ride after all. I was fine with that, as I only agreed because I wanted my gold dollars back. And I've been trying to search my soul to see if I can recognize that I'm wrong about the 4-wheeler. So far either I'm in denial or I can't. If I'm being unreasonable, I wish I could see it. DH thinks I'm being unreasonable.

And I did get my gold dollars back, but I'm kind of mad about that, too.

Ugh.

That's what I feel like. "Ugh" is what DH always says when he is angry and doesn't know how to express it. "Ugh" when there's a lot troubling him. And that's how I feel tonite, so I'm stealing his expression.

The 4th was not too bad. DH seemed a little peppier, and lit some fireworks off for his mom and my mom who had come for the "big show". Mostly, though, he just stayed in bed. This morning, he couldn't wake up for anything, and he had to go to Spenders. He did get out of bed, but I guess he fell asleep in the meeting and was saying things that didn't make any sense. So he came home, and while I was sleeping, brought DD to visit her bio mom in a situation that was not well-controlled and I could not get him to understand that we probably should have discussed it first, even if it meant he had to wake me up. Eventually I figured it was a lost cause and just "forgot" about it.

After that, DH was basically in bed all day. I guess he got up long enough at about 9pm (I was already on my way to work) to tell DD to go to bed. So she did, for about 5 minutes, until DH went back to bed, then she got up again and made a huge mess. I don't know who to be angry with, since DH should've been supervising her, and DD should've known better anyhow, and Jim was there the whole time.....

And DH brought up his pawn shop crap again, too. "It's time"...."tomorrow's the 6th"....like I'm going to be able to just whip out a wad of bills and pay for all of his stupidity. But if I don't, then I'm not a good wife, then I don't love him, etc....I just hate it all today.

I'm feeling very fed up today. I can't do it all, I just can't. I can't work both of these jobs and still be there to supervise DD and supervise DH too. And do 78 zillion loads of laundry, and a few loads of dishes....oh--and my mom is upset because her ice water at dinner didn't have any ice in it. I tried to tell her that maybe it was just warm out and the ice melted, and she said, "well, it never has before." Ugh.

I feel like everything is out of control and no matter how hard I try, I'm not going to be able to do everything right. So Ugh. Ugh-Ugh-Ugh.

Lithium Dehydration!

Today, DH went to his Spenders Anonymous meeting and then went to work. Outside. In the sun. It's 85 degrees out. He's a big guy. And he's on Lithium. He called me after he had been there about an hour: "I don't feel good. I feel weak and woozy."

Me: Have you had anything to eat or drink?

DH: I had those two jugs of Gatorade you left for me--oh, yeah, I drank one of those on my way to Spenders. So I guess I had one jug of Gatorade.

Me: Are you drinking water?

DH: No, I had Gatorade.

Me: (hangs up quickly and runs to the store for more Gatorade and some bananas and brings them to DH, along with his water jug)

DH called about an hour later and said he felt better. Then he came home and basically laid in bed all evening, until I left for work. As I was getting ready for work, he told me, "I feel nauseous and dizzy. I think I'm dehydrated." I asked him if he had drank any water today. "No, I had Gatorade." Then he told me he was going to get up to BUY water. It was an excuse not to drink the water. So I sat by the bed and basically forced him to drink 40 oz of tap water. He promised he would drink more while I'm at work. I could tell he was angry with me for forcing him to drink that water.

I kept trying to tell him that Lithium is a salt, and getting dehydrated while a person is taking Lithium is a really bad idea. It can raise the levels of Lithium in his blood and cause him to have a LOT of problems. I tried to remind him that if he didn't take care of himself by doing things that he knows he's supposed to do, he isn't going to be able to work like he wants to. But I could still tell he was angry at me. But I know that he wouldn't have drank ANY water if I hadn't forced him.

I'm worried about him. I'm worried about Lithium Toxicity. I'm worried that even though he's doing better, he's still not making good decisions about his health. Oh--and the diabetes?? Yah. If I have this much trouble getting him to drink water, how fun do you think it is for me to try to get him to eat wheat bread, or sugar-free candy? Not happening at all. In fact, since his diabetes diagnosis, he has not changed one thing except he seems to be sticking to drinking diet pop instead of sugar pop. And he never went back to see the diabetes doctor, either, so he hasn't started on the insulin yet. I can't remember the last time he checked his blood sugar. You know, part of me wants to quit "being his mother" and reminding him to do all these things that he is supposed to do. But then I think that a) he has memory problems and b) if I don't help and he or his health suffers for it, isn't that kind of heartless? It's a tough call. Right now, I guess I'm still his mother. :-P

Well, the bipolar tantrum is over....

DH's "slip" back into "That Guy" mode ended last night. He's back to being DH again. I am still convinced that the Lithium is wonderful. He is doing a lot more, and (when not in "That Guy" mode) is a lot more approachable, too. I was able to gently point out that he had spent all that money this past week, and he didn't get angry, or defensive, he just did an "Oh, I didn't realize that at all...." then he tried to remember what he spent all the money on, but he couldn't remember.

I do think I am going to call the gym and find out if they really did tell him he couldn't wear his old shoes there, I have never heard of such a thing, but then again, it's been years since I've belonged to a gym, so I guess until I know otherwise, I'll give it the benefit of a doubt....

Oh--and one more thing.....DH went to Spenders, and usually when he gets home, he wakes me up to tell me all about it, but today he didn't, and when I asked him about the meeting, he just said "It was good." I didn't press him, of course, it's none of my business, really, but I thought it was unusual for him to not want to share that....then he journaled for about an hour--like I said, none of my business, but I have to confess I'm curious, for sure...

These ups and downs are hard, very hard. I do enjoy the ups very much, but not the weird "gotta spend and angry too" ups....it's been very nice, though, the good days that the Lithium has brought, maybe they can tweak things somehow, so that "That Guy" can go jump in a lake or something....now that they've finally started treating him for the real problem...

The truth comes out...

Well, DH went to Spenders (after a lot of prodding by me--he didn't want to get out of bed) and he came home to tell me how great it was and how glad he was that he went. The topic was "Taking Responsibility" and he said he really got a lot out of it. He told me how he understands why I am the "parent" in our relationship, but that he hates it. I told him that the "parenting" would probably disappear if I saw him making consistently good financial decisions. He said he understood, and that his drug of choice has mostly always been food. And that's where most of his debt came from and where most of his spending still is currently. He told me that he spent all of the $50 his mom sent him on food. I had suspected that, since that's been the way things have gone for quite a while, but I was hoping I was wrong. He talked about maybe giving up the Emotions Anonymous group and maybe trying an Overeaters Anonymous. I am all for that, I guess someone in his Spenders group already goes to that, so he would know someone.

Anyhow, while we were having an honest, straightforward conversation, DH decided to tell me this: "I know you aren't going to like this, but I have to tell you something. Remember how my brother asked me to hang on to his guitar for him while he got his stuff moved and his divorce done and all that? Well, back before Lithium, I wanted to go out to eat and you wouldn't give me any money. I think this was in January or sometime around then....? Anyhow, I pawned his guitar for $65 so that I could go out to eat. The guy just called and said I have until Monday to get the guitar back."

I didn't know what to say. Honestly, he's like a little kid who waits until "Mom" is in a good mood before he tells her he broke her fine china vase. I hadn't seen the guitar for a while, but I had just assumed that DH put it away so that DD wouldn't play with it or something like that. I just sighed. I don't know how to handle these things. Do I let his brother's guitar go, knowing that I can save it? Do I let DH deal with the fallout of his stupidity? Do I rescue him? I already told him "never again" when I unpawned his other stuff. I wish I had a little therapist to tell me what the best thing to do is....If I say "tough luck", then I'm a meanie. If I say, "Ok, lets go take care of this", then what does that make me? A pansy? LOL

What I decided to do was this: The appraiser is coming to appraise the house on Monday afternoon. We need to have a LOT of things cleaned before then. I am not a good cleaner, and also, I work a lot more than DH does currently, so I told him if he would clean the porch, plus the cat litter box room, plus the bathroom, I would get the guitar out of the pawnshop for him. I don't know if that was the "right thing to do", but I really don't know what the "right thing" is.

Did you ever have one of these conversations?

DH: I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so down.
Me: You can't think of any reason for this, huh?
DH: No, I just haaaave nooooo eneerrrrgy.....
Me: Can you try some of the things you learned in therapy?
DH: I listened to a song, it didn't work.
Me: What else could you try?
DH: I don't know.
Me: Maybe you could walk down to the mailbox and back, try to get some fresh air and exercise.
DH: I don't think I can.
Me: Could you go out into the living room and turn on the radio and just listen?
DH: No, they've got the TV on out there.
Me: Could you try to journal?
DH: No, the laptop is in the living room.
Me: Could you try to do something for five minutes, just to see if it makes you feel better?
DH: It won't.
Me: Maybe you should call your Spenders leader (he's in the hospital right now) and tell him you're thinking of him.
DH: Yeah, I should do that.
DH: I just don't know what to do.
Me: Do you need to go to the hospital?
DH: I don't know.
Me: Maybe you should call them.
DH: Theyll tell me to come in.
Me: Can you call the crisis line?
DH: They don't care about me.
DH: I'll just let you go.

Is it the Effexor?

Hi again!
If you remember, a few weeks ago, maybe three, the nurse practitioner that prescribes DH's meds decided that his depression merited an increase in his Effexor CR. At the time, and up to right about now, things have been tough. Lots of lying in bed (him, LOL) and lots of him thinking about how worthless he is and how I'd be better off without him.

Cut to yesterday, it was a very nice day!!!

The first thing that happened was, DH decided to take DD car shopping. (Did I hear you go "oh no, how could that possibly go well?") He called me and asked me if he could take some money out of my change jar for gas. I started to do the "oh no, here we go again" thing in my head, and I told him this: "No, that change jar is only for emergencies. A car is not an emergency. You've got a vehicle. Two, actually. (it sounds like the car that was "totalled" might be fixable) And I don't think that you should go car shopping. You are going to go to that car lot, see something you like, get 'new car fever' and want it really bad. Then, when I tell you no, we can't afford that, you will get angry with me." I expected some kind of argument, it just seems like the way things go when DH wants to spend money in a stupid way, but he said, "ok, we'll just go get a movie (the movie store rents movies for a dollar)." Wow.

As if that wasn't enough, I took the night off from work, as I had to get up early today to attend my nephew's 3rd birthday party. So I was driving home, and I called DH and told him I needed to get cat and dog food at WalMart (30 miles away from home, but on the way home from work). He said "Well, maybe we could go together, after DD is in bed." I thought that was weird. He hasn't willingly gone anywhere with me like that for probably a year. No exaggeration.

But, I bypassed WalMart (knowing that an extra trip to WalMart was going to cost two gallons of gas) and went on home anyhow. I got DD into bed, and DH still wanted to go with me. So we left DD a note in case she woke up, and locked up, and left. On the way there, the conversation was very pleasant. We got to WalMart, and I was mildly dreading "That Guy" showing up and wanting to go shopping....especially after the car lot thing. It was very clear that DH still has no control over his wants and needs, holy cow! Every stupid thing that looked like it was on sale was something we suddenly needed. Cereal (so he could eat it dry in bed again). Toothpaste. Fitness water (yes--if you knew how fit both of us are, you would laugh even more). We set out to pick out a birthday present for the birthday boy. We settled on coloring books and crayons. The thing is, that DH wanted to buy about a dozen jumbo coloring books for the kid, and a HUGE carton of crayons. So I had to have him put some of the coloring books back, and finally convinced him nicely that a three year old is not going to be needing six different shades of "light blue". LOL. But it was fun, because he had a good humor about it all. Like he knew that he needed my help with this stuff, and he was ok with that. And not only was he ok with it, he found his troubles kind of amusing. And that made it fun. Just like my "real" DH.

We left WalMart with exactly what we had gone there for: pet food, pop, and two pairs of $10 jeans for DH (the thrift store where I had been buying his jeans for $1.99 and $2.99 a pair had suddenly decided that someone might actually pay $14.99 for a USED pair of jeans). So WalMart suddenly was a bargain. That was fun...

Then on the way home, DH said to me: "I've got to find some ways to spend time with DD. I haven't been a very good father." That was an astonishing revelation, coming from him. It was a very fun evening. I really wanted to let my guard down, but after all this time, I know better than to think that this kind of thing will keep on.

Then today, I could tell things weren't as great as they were yesterday, but here's something incredible: Next week, DH is going to lead the Spenders meeting, as the regular leader is having surgery. So DH met with the leader of the Spenders group and got the literature, and the materials and the key to the church where the meetings are held. And a little advice on how to lead the meeting. I think this will be great for his self esteem, by the way....anyhow, DH said this: "he (the leader) gave me the folder with all the materials in it. And when I opened the one book, there was a bunch of cash in there from the collection basket, I think. So I told him that I wasn't comfortable with that cash, and could he please keep it, as I still have temptations and don't want to let him down."

Now isn't that cool?

I'm so glad that some days are good like these. You must be just as crazy as I am with all these ups and downs, I don't know what's going on for real half the time!!! Anyhow, I was thinking that maybe the additional Effexor could be bringing about a change. I'm really really hoping for it, the possibility that it could be his med causing this is more hopeful than just thinking it's a fluke. Cross your fingers, ok?

Emotions Anonymous

Well, I have to say, I had/have some misgivings about Emotions Anonymous, which is a 12-step program for people with emotional problems like depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc...I mean, I understand the Spenders Anonymous thing, it's like Alcoholics Anonymous, but you are trying to quit spending instead of quitting drinking. That makes sense to me. But I've been having a tough time understanding how you could use a 12-step program for emotions--I mean, you aren't trying to quit having emotions, right? So how does that work?

Well, DH went to his first Emotions Anonymous meeting and he was really pleased. He said he felt accepted and like he was among friends. And he felt good about opening up to the group. In fact, he felt so good, I decided to look the group up on line and see what it was all about, and, in all reality, it really sounds pretty good. Right up DH's alley, actually. And from what stories I could find online, it sounds like it really helps a lot of people, too. DH is excited about going back again, and he is still going to Spenders, too.

On a different note, I guess DH told Jim more about the night when DH went to his ex-girlfriend's house and how angry I got and (according to DH) "how bad he hurt me by doing that". I thought they had talked about that before, but apparently not in so much detail. According to DH, nothing happened. I'm going to believe that for now. But apparently Jim has been rather judgmental of DH since DH told him about that, and he's been making jokes about DH not working, jokes about DH's spending problem, and also Jim is not helping out with ANYTHING in the last few days. He wouldn't apparently even let the dogs out, so they pottied on the floor, even though Jim was there and awake. This seems very out of character for Jim and I'm not sure what to make of it yet.
Not helping out with the dogs seems like a funny way of expressing your anger towards their owner(s).

I'm not sure what the problem is, but DH is thinking that he did something wrong, and that he is losing all of his friends and he doesn't know what to do...I feel so sad for him--like a parent must feel when the other kids don't want to play with their kid....I wish I could help, I really do. It's so strange, really, because I think I've told you that DH has always had this charisma, where he could talk to anyone about anything and he made friends everywhere he went. That was one of the things that really attracted me to him, because I'm on the shy side and it takes quite a while for me to call someone a friend, I thought we kind of balanced each other out. It's so strange how things have changed. I hope that by going to Emotions Anonymous and Spenders Anonymous, he'll meet more people and get some of that confidence back. I'll keep you posted.

My life is like a roller coaster

Well, today DH went to Spenders again, willingly. He says it really helps him stay grounded. Coming on the heels of his trip to the emergency room, I haven't been exactly sure of what's truly going on. Here are some things, though:

DH talked with one of the other Spenders folks who also had spent a huge amount of money, and been out of work for a long time, and eventually worked out a system with his wife and got back to work and is "in remission" (not recovered, but doing much better). He said that made him feel very hopeful that things will continue to progress. He also found out from another Spenders member, that there is an "Emotions Anonymous" group for people who have mood disorders and mood swings--it's on Thursday nights, and only about a block away from where the Spenders meetings are. DH is planning on going, because he recognizes that he ALWAYS seems to do better after his Spenders meeting, so, since there is only one Spenders meeting a week, he's going to try the Emotions Anonymous meetings and see if they can help him. I'm kind of excited about those meetings being on Thursdays, too, because it seems like DH always has most of his big problems on Thursdays or Fridays.

We talked a little about his trip to the E.R. He seems fine today again. But when I tried to explain about how I think the pain is related to his depression, it was like he absolutely didn't understand what I was saying. He just kept telling me that "the pain is real." I have no doubt that the pain is real, but I doubt that it originates in his back. I'm hoping that when he meets with the nurse practitioner next week, maybe she'll be able to change something.....he was on Cymbalta for a while when the link between the back pain and the depression first came about, but that was before he was on any mood stabilizers and so things got pretty bad while he was on it. I'm not sure if he wants to take a chance on trying that again or not, but it's for depression and pain, so maybe now that his mood is more stable, it might actually help. Or maybe there's something else that works the same way, but just not the same drug.

So. On the absolutely good side, we(I) got our tax refund back. It was about $4000. It seemed like so much money just sitting there in my bank account, but when I used it to catch up on things, it sure didn't seem like much. I put $1100 towards one credit card, $700 to the other credit card, and $700 to my car payment. (I've only got 11 more months until my car is paid off, so getting a little ahead helps until then. So that left money for propane, which I am ordering next week, and then the rest is going into savings for now. I've been very good about not "blowing" it. I can't afford to "blow" it, although I did find a rice cooker at the thrift store for $5, which I bought. I've wanted a "new to me" rice cooker for a long, long time, but never could see spending full price on one. I've got a small one, but it doesn't have a valve for the steam, so the steam runs down the sides and I have to make a "double batch" for a normal sized meal. The rice cooker I just bought looks like it's never been used, and much bigger and also has a steam valve. So I'm excited about that. I was driving to work tonite, thinking about how "cheap" I've gotten since this all began--I don't want to buy groceries until we see what we get for "free food" next Thursday. I've gotten kind of snobby about buying meat for full price, too--it's much cheaper to wait until they mark it down right before they can't sell it, then run home and pop it into the freezer. And other things....if I can't buy it used, I don't bother....sometimes I think about the day when/if DH starts working again, and how much better financially we'll be because of everything I've learned in the last year. So in that sense, the cloud does have a silver lining.

Oh. And I don't believe I told you, but I have started collecting gold dollars again. (YAY ME!)

Is it bipolar, or is it TV?

Hello,
Well, I'm over my "mad" at dd now, so I'm back to being a "regular" mom again, LOL....she has been trying very hard to make up to us, and I had a nice talk with her about going through peoples' wallets/purses, and how when dad or I say "no", it doesn't mean "no, unless you can find a way around it," it actually really means "no". She actually seemed to be listening, and had some thoughts on the matter, too.

But what I wanted to talk about tonight was something that's been happening in the last couple of days.

I have to preface this with: Our DirecTV service was disconnected. I knew the bill was late, and I opted not to pay the bill, and I knew what the consequence would be.
And on the morning before dd had her tantrum, we woke up and there was no TV. We live in an area where we have to have satellite TV to get a signal, so no TV for us until we (I) opt to pay the bill.

DH was a little distressed, but I very much couldn't see using a credit card to pay for something like that. So I didn't.

And you know what? I think something good is happening.

When dd had her "tantrum", DH responded as I would expect any normal dad to respond. He didn't get all bent out of shape (any more than was called for, anyhow) and he didn't start swearing. And he actually told me this: "I was really angry, but I had to walk away, because I realized my anger was too big." That's not something "That Guy" even considers, when he is upset. When "That Guy" is around, you never know what will make him angry, and you have no idea how angry he'll get, either.

So I thought that was pretty cool, but I know how things go, I just figured this was "one of those times" where he acted appropriately.

But then on Saturday, he got up at 7am so that he could go to Spenders. That in itself was also amazing, when you consider some of the blowouts that we've had when he doesn't want to get up for Spenders. He came back from Spenders and woke me up to tell me how good it was. He told me that while he was there, he remembered that he used to always have a saying that he couldn't stand "liars, cowards, or thieves." He told me that while he was at Spenders, he realized that that was exactly what he had become and he was ashamed. He also told me that he told the Spenders group about some of the lies he'd told me, and about stealing the gold dollars from me. He said that one of the people in the group was surprised that he was still married. Then he apologized to me for everything.

While I enjoyed all of this, I still didn't really even get my hopes up, as he's said and done stuff like this before....but....then he decided he was going to clean house!!! He cleaned the kitchen, did all the laundry, fixed the phone line and dd's light in her bathroom, too....then he scooped all of the litter boxes and cleaned the bathrooms. This would actually not have been remarkable at all two years ago. DH has always enjoyed cleaning, and ultimately, when our marriage was healthier, most of the cleaning was done by him, because he was faster at it, and more thorough. But since he's been "sick", I've been doing all the cleaning. And not a very good job of it, as I'm at work so much and trying to help my mom, too, that I never get around to cleaning, and when I do, it's only the stuff I just can't stand that gets done, not something thorough like this. I was very appreciative.

Then, later that evening, DH said to me, "I almost hate to say this, but I think that when I can't just go lay down in the bedroom and watch TV, I feel better." I couldn't believe he was saying that, but hey, I'm fine with that!!!! Then today I got home from work at 9am and DH got OUT OF BED and did more laundry. After I got up and started to make supper, I realized we were out of milk, and I needed it for the hotdish I was making. So I sent DH and Jim to the store for milk. And I went into the bedroom to get some change to buy the milk with, and DH said, "I've still got $5, let me buy the milk." I looked at him like he'd just grown an extra pair of arms...."I really want to do this. I want to contribute."

Wow. Oh Wow. Who is he and what did he do with DH????

Epilogue: Even though our DirecTV is disconnected, for some reason, we still get the Bloomberg Financial Channel--one of my favorites!!!! I don't think it's supposed to be there, but hey....I'd rather watch that than CBS any day!!! (Ok, yes, I have no idea why I like economic stuff, but there it is....)