I must have "the winter blues" because suddenly everything feels hopeless, like no matter how hard I try, things keep getting worse, instead of improving.
I got my car back, and now (for DH's truck + my car) owe $3000 to my brother. And that's really really embarrassing to me. And I was very happy to drive my own car to work this morning, but now I keep imagining(?) that there are other things wrong--a funny noise here, a funny smell there...I'm probably just paranoid because the car seemed to respond better and use less gas than before....but....
And I really do have to make that appointment for Sarah (dog). This morning when I went to let her out, she couldn't find the front door, even with me calling her over there. And the accidents have been getting worse, if you can imagine that...but it's breaking my heart....
And my mom. She may or may not be stable. Everything she says now makes sense, but she keeps telling me she "doesn't feel good" but when I or the nurses try to figure out what's going on, she can't tell us. Her bloodwork seems fine. But she's sleeping nearly all day and back to not eating.
Winter. Need I say more? It's been relentless. All it does is snow and when the snow mercifully stops, it's 20 below zero. I fell the other day when I was bringing in firewood and that could have been really bad, because DH was at work....but luckily I was ok....I'm just so tired of clouds, snow and cold....
And I'm worried about money. After DH driving his truck for nearly 2 weeks, I'm worried that I won't have enough money for gas to get to work next week.
It just feels like "one step forward, three steps back". And I hope I "get over" this feeling soon.....spring would probably be a good cure...
2 comments:
Ya know Carol--you should make a list of what you can do, and what you can't. You can't change things for either your mother or your dog. They are both in the best places they can be, and you are mostly the observer--a sad one to be sure, but only an observer. You needed the money you borrowed from your brother and he came through. You WILL pay it back, but right now, that debt is NOT your first priority. You pay what you have to, and if there's money left over, you pay your bro. (I will say that if I were him, I'd be happy to get any amount so long as the payments came every single month, which shows you are trying, and you will likely make good on your intention to pay him back. Don't wait to accumulate the whole amount.) Take care--winter always brings me the blues, too.
The whole car mess was a big blow while you were already holding on by your fingernails as it was. You have a high sense or responsibility and having to owe more money is certainly taking it's toll on you and helping to make everything seem bleak. There is a lot of what's going on though that has been totally out of your control. It's hard to try and force that whole big picture thing to the back burner but for your sake you have to give it a shot and look at only one thing at a time. Deep breaths.
I hear ya about the cold. It had been either snowing or below zero here too. I have to do all the shoveling too...yuck.
*hugs*
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