Friday, September 28, 2007

Embarrassed is not the word.

My perfect husband had morphed into someone I didn’t know.
I told my friends about him “losing” his job, and that he got denied for unemployment benefits, but I didn’t know how to tell them what was going on financially. I stopped talking to some of my friends, especially the ones who were at a point in their lives where things were “really really good”, I just didn’t want to hear it, and I didn’t want them to ask me “what’s new with you?” or “how’s your husband doing, anyhow?” Or anything like that.

After years of the “perfect American dream”, I couldn’t bring myself to admit that my husband wasn’t apparently as perfect as I had thought. I thought that I had had my "rose colored glasses" on for about 8 years (counting the time we dated) and hadn't seen him for who he apparently was. At this time, though, the thought of it being a mental illness wasn’t even on the horizon. I just thought that my husband was turning into a horrible, disrespectful, selfish cad.