Oh by the way....

We did get approved for the skip a payment plan for DH's truck. So there'll be about $500 extra in the budget between now and January.....that's a good feeling, too bad that won't even touch the price of a new roof....

When it rains, it pours!!!

Hi everyone....I wish I was writing to tell you what a wonderful holiday weekend I've had, but, well, you know the drill...it started out with DH having a wonderful Thanksgiving day at my brother's, with DD and me, too. He was cheerful, helpful, and just all-around, the DH I married. I was very proud!!!! (DD, on the other hand, was not at her best, taking toys away from the 2 year old and getting mad at the three year old when the three year old didn't play her way....she was the lucky recipient of several stern warnings)....

Anyhow, nothing big happened at all....then we got home and our telephone(s) didn't work. And since I paid the bill last week, I was pretty sure that wasn't the problem. DH went outside to see if the problem was inside our house or out in the phone line, of course it was inside our house. But then he "didn't feel like" tracking down the problem and fixing it, of course....

Then he decided he was going to clean up our bedroom. What he discovered when he did that was not a good thing: Under Kirby Puppy's dog bed, the floor was wet. But it wasn't from a dog. There is no plumbing in our bedroom. He examined the wall and the bottom of the wall is wet. While there are no stains on the ceiling, what it means is that there is some kind of roof problem. Not surprising since our roof has needed to be replaced for so very long, but it's hard to convince a bank that "Yes, I know I've got $45,000 in debt not including the mortgage, but I really need another loan...."

The credit union in town does know that DH is mentally ill. I could probably get them to loan me roof money. But there's no way I could pay it back, and with my job situation so precarious, there's even less likelihood that I could fulfill my obligations there. I think I'm going to start this process by learning how to clean the gutters on the house--maybe that's the problem (I know, probably wishful thinking)--anyhow, I had been hoping to use the tax refund to redo the roof, but if things are actually rotten, I'm scared that might not be enough. And I'm scared, because here we are, at the beginning of a Minnesota winter, and the roof is in scary bad shape.

But wait!!! (as they say in those infomercials) There's more!!!! DH got a letter from the lumber yard in town, they are pretty angry about the money he owes them and hasn't even bothered to pay back. I hate thinking that his reputation in town is going down the toilet, so I told him if he a) looked into the roof problem to determine the source, b) fixed DD's bedroom light, c) fixed DD's bathroom light, then I would put the bill on my charge card. He was really excited about that deal (me--I knew I was going to get stuck paying it anyhow, so I might as well get some work out of him)...anyhow, I think if I have to go to the lumber yard on Monday with those jobs not being done, I am going to strongly suggest that they not extend credit to him any more :-( The thought of doing that makes me sad, but I am getting more and more angry about having to cover these bills that are for stupid stuff that he just decided he wanted right this minute.

And of course DD. Her bedtime has been 9pm for years. But lately she's been seriously testing the limits of that. (I understand that most 15 year olds don't have a 9pm bedtime, but her special needs make a routine and plenty of sleep pretty important)...anyhow, one night she was told that it was bedtime. So she got up and took her pills and then sat by the fire and refused to go to bed. She went to bed after losing some privileges for the next day.

Then, last night, I told her it was time to go to bed. She looked at me and said, "I'll go when I feel like it." I said, "That's not funny." "It's time for bed." Then she told me "I was JUST kidding, jeez, Mom!" And I said, "You heard me, it's not funny, and it's time for bed." Then she tried to get Dad to take her side, "Dad, I TOLD her I was just kidding!" And Dad saw the eye roll and sent her to bed in tears. Then today she told me she's been horrible to me, horrible at Thanksgiving, and horrible in general. I told her that the fact that she is aware of that is a good thing, what was she going to do to make sure it didn't happen again?

So....tonite. DH tells her to go to bed. She says, "Why?!" He repeats the instruction and she says, "Why?!" (can you almost hear the sulk in her voice?) After two more tries at being civil, DH yelled at DD to go to bed and she went to bed in tears, screaming and throwing things in her room. Then right when I was leaving for work, she came out and asked me to tuck her in. (This might be wrong on the mom front) I told her that we had talked about this last night, we talked about it this morning, and if she wanted me to tuck her in, she should've gone to bed at 9pm when she was supposed to, and I would've been happy to tuck her in. As it was, her tantrum was making me late for work, so I told her that she needed to tuck herself in, and give some thought as to how this problem could be avoided in the future.

And with all that on my mind, I came to work.

It's 3am. DH just called me and told me his moods are cycling very rapidly. He has been going from sadness to energy to anger in minutes. He is thinking maybe he should go to the hospital. I told him to take his meds and try to sleep. I hope he does. We can't afford another hospital stay.

I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself tonite. I started thinking about how "this wasn't how it was supposed to be." And how much I just want someone I can depend on from day to day, where I didn't have to do everything all the time. I'm the mom, I'm the dad. I'm the nurse. I'm the breadwinner(s). What I would give to be one of those pampered wives who gets to stay home all day and get hairdos and facials and all that....

Then it kind of morphs into "Why me? What did I do?" But I know this crap happens to people all the time, why shouldn't I be "people"? Sigh.

Don't talk to my husband!!!!

Well, here is what happened:
DH's truck payment is $274/month. We got an offer from the credit union where, for a $35 fee, we could skip our November payment and thus use that money for Christmas. (Or in our case, for bills). (There won't be much Christmas at our house, I don't think).

Anyhow, I filled out the form and turned it in. The lady at the credit union told me that they'd call in the next day or two and let me know if everything was ok. I didn't hear anything, but also didn't get a "rejection" notice, either. (I was kind of thinking that even though we aren't late on that bill, that maybe DH's bankruptcy would cause a problem, so I wasn't all that confident that we would be accepted). I was chattering to DH about what I should do, because nobody had called and so I didn't know if we had extra money or not....and he said,

"No, they did call!!!"

I got all excited and asked him what they said.

"Uh, I think I have to go there and sign something....no....I think everything was ok....yeah....I think they said it was going through....oh, I don't remember!!!!"

So I had to call the credit union and tell them that even though they did talk to a live person at my house, nobody had any idea what was said :-(

And of course, the people who were in charge of that program were gone for the day. So I'm stuck. I still don't know if we will have extra money or not. I wish I could just tell everyone important, like doctors who call with test results, or teachers who set up conferences for DD, OR THE CREDIT UNION, "Don't talk to my husband!" "He won't have any idea what was said, if he even remembers talking to you at all."

But I won't, of course....and even if I could, I probably wouldn't think of enough people and it would still happen.

The daily drama (or, "when does Carol get to sleep?")

So I got home from work at 6:30am, got DD and her crappy teenage attitude on the bus, and went to bed. Shortly thereafter, the following ensued:

8:00am:
DH: Carol, are you asleep?
Me: Yes, what's wrong?
DH: You know that tooth that was bothering me yesterday? Well it's worse. It's killing me.
Me: Well, it's 8am. You should probably get up and call the dentist and see if they can get you in.
DH: Ok.

8:15am:
DH: They're closed on Wednesdays.
Me: Well, maybe you should try a different dentist, just check the yellow pages.
DH: Ok.

8:30am:
DH: Are you still awake? The other dentist in town said it'd be $181.00 to pull the tooth.
Me: Oh!! That's a lot of money. But if you need to do it, you need to do it....
DH: I'll just see if it will go away.

8:45am:
DH: I can't wait til tomorrow, I've got to do something.
Me: Well, there's that Ambesol in the medicine cabinet, why don't you try that?
DH: Ok.

9:00am:
DH: The Ambesol isn't doing anything at all. It didn't even make a difference. I'm going out to have a smoke.
Me: Ok, good night.

9:30am:
DH: Are you still awake?
Me: No.
DH: I called our dentist back and got an appointment for tomorrow morning, 8am.
Me: Oh good.

10:00am:
DH: I can't stand this, I've got to do something.
Me: Did you take an Advil or something?
DH: I took one last night.
Me: How about this morning?
DH: Oh yeah, right. Good idea.

10:15am:
(At this point I was ready to pay $181.00 just to get some sleep!)
DH: The Advil isn't doing anything. What should I do?
Me: Is there any way you can wait until tomorrow? Because our dentist will let us make payments....
DH: I'm going to call some more places.

11:00am:
DH: I've got an appointment at 1pm at that other dentist in town.
Me: Ok, well, I've got the money, but the 4-wheeler payment is going to be late.
DH: Well, that wouldn't be the first time, would it?

11:30am:
DH: I just called my mom and she's going to mail us the money so that you won't be too late with that bill.
Me: Oh, that's a big relief!!!!

12:00pm:
Alarm clock: Ring!!!!

Epilogue: DH got a tooth pulled. They prescribed Vicodyn instead of Percocet, so that was a relief, too. I am very tired.

I understand that toothaches cause huge amounts of pain and I'm very sympathetic to that. I just have a tough time with the fact that he couldn't handle this without constantly waking me up for guidance....the only thing that I would LIKE to be consulted with was whether we could spend $181.00. Most adults could've figured out the Advil, the Ambesol, the "try a different dentist", and all that. ARGH.

Back on schedule (not)

I am really frustrated with trying to get DH to take his pills at a scheduled time. Yesterday, at about 7pm, he kind of gasped and said, "Oh no, I forgot to take my morning pills again!! I'll take them right now." So then, of course, when he takes his "nighttime" pills at 1 or 2 am, undoubtedly, his Lithium levels are not stable...

So today, he got up at 1pm and took his "morning pills" not too long after that. I got excited. But I shouldn't have. I just called him to remind him to take his pills, and he said, "I will, as soon as I'm done with the laundry." So, in other words, he'll be up all night, and he'll be taking his nighttime pills at 5am or so. I just have such a hard time believing he doesn't see this. But he doesn't.

For a while, he was doing better on the pill schedule. We had had a discussion and I was not feeling all that subtle that day, and I had said to him, "You keep saying you want to work. But how on earth are you expecting to get up every day and get to work by a certain time every day, eat lunch at a certain time every day, and finish your work by the end of the day, when you can't even set your alarm clock to take your pills in the morning? That must've hit home, because for a couple of weeks, he was better about taking his pills. But he's backsliding again....

It's kind of funny. I thought that since the Lithium was doing such wonders for him, that the rest of this would be a piece of cake. Even if he could never work again, the worst was behind us. But there's always something to worry about, and it never stops.

Oh Deer

Well, I drove to work thinking that I was going to write a post about how good DH has been doing--he's been getting up at 5:30am to go out and hunt. He hasn't been watching TV. Of course, he hasn't been doing much of anything else, but that's not unusual....LOL

So anyhow, tonite he told me that while I was working, he was going to do a little cleaning, because his mom is coming by tomorrow. That sounded great, too!! But at midnight, I called to see if he had taken his nighttime pills, and he said, "no, I didn't take them, because I've got to stay up and clean." He decided that instead of just putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher and sweeping and mopping the floors, he was going to clean the whole house. At 3am he still hadn't taken his pills. Then, at 4am, he called, all proud of himself, because he had cleaned the whole house. And since it was so late, he is going to stay up until 5:30 so that he can hunt. I just wish he could see that when he does this, I lose out....I won't even get home from work until 10am, and his mom is going to be at our house at noon. And if he stays up all night, THEN takes his pills, well, then I'm the one who gets stuck entertaining on two hours of sleep. And I have to go back to work tomorrow night, as usual, so if I don't get at least 4 or 5 hours of sleep, I'll struggle at work, too.

And he doesn't have to go to work, or anyplace. So I guess this isn't going to be a post about how good he's been doing, after all.

Oh, and when he's been going out to hunt, he only stays out for a couple of hours, then he goes back to sleep. So he hasn't gotten a deer, and neither did Jason. We really really need that meat, though, I don't know what we'll do if there's no deer....I was just at the grocery store and the cheapest hamburger they had was $3.00 for .75/lb!!! Yup, they are making .75/lb packages now, I guess people can't afford a pound any more....I've been using a half pound in recipes that call for a whole pound, but jeez, at 3.89 a pound or whatever it is now, even that doesn't really save much...so I'm going to stop at WalMart and get some of their super-cheap hamburger....

Job update

Well, we had our big meeting today--and, as you might have guessed, it's definitely not good news, but I suppose it's better than it could have been. In a nutshell, no pink slips today. But starting in early 2009 there probably will be. They aren't saying or (yeah right) aren't aware of the specifics, like how many people, who, when, and all that....so it was just a "heads-up, you probably don't want to go out and buy a new house right now because your job is probably going away in the relatively near future" meeting. I'm mostly relieved, because every paycheck puts me closer to being out of debt....so I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other until I know what other options I have....

So I guess I can say "Whew!" And cross my fingers that everything works out ok.

Next, I'm scared.

As you all know, I have two jobs: a full time one about two hours from home, and a part time one on the weekends. Today when I showed up at my full time job, I (and everyone else I work with) received a special invitation to a "mandatory" meeting to be held tomorrow. We have never had a meeting like this before. Rumors are flying, but the bosses aren't saying a word. I suspect that in the current economy, we probably aren't all getting a raise.

I hope I'm overreacting. But if I am, so is everyone I work with. I'll keep you posted, of course....I think not knowing is worse than anything. You can't plan when you don't know what's going on.