tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post8198274648705105363..comments2023-10-12T02:44:19.333-05:00Comments on My mentally ill life: Tired of DD's lies and tantrums and defiance and intimidation.....Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13675829827137657056noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-30122609773504088322010-04-29T11:06:10.981-05:002010-04-29T11:06:10.981-05:00I just found your blog so please forgive me if I&#...I just found your blog so please forgive me if I've missed too much of the "backstory" for my comment to be helpful.<br /><br />When my children act like this (I have 2 adopted teens, one with RAD and one with "attachment issues"), I try to look at the cause for the child's behavior. Sometimes I can't figure it out or there just isn't one (they are both bipolar and have some brain damage), but in this case if it had been my child the behavior could easily have been triggered by - birthdays (always an issue, even for my biokids), overwhelmed (they find most stores too crowded and shopping for a long time or for different things - even if it's for them, is too much), trauma trigger (something caused a flashback to some event in the past... <br /><br />Believe me this doesn't justify the behavior and there will still be consequences, but it helps me stay calmer and a little more sane (can't claim full sanity - I'm bipolar and the mother of 4 including 3 teens). And if I can prevent or lessen the liklihood of this happening again that's better than being in a constant state of crisis or always putting out fires.<br /><br />If you have time to read (do any of us with teens?). I love Katharine Leslie's book Coming to Grips with Attachment and did a whole series of posts on my blog about a recent seminar of hers that I went to, unlike most books which seem geared toward younger children, she gives advice that is really helpful for dealing with teens.<br /><br />Mary in TXmarythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-90207113510292761072010-04-19T11:49:07.563-05:002010-04-19T11:49:07.563-05:00Carol, I have a 13 yr old granddaughter who believ...Carol, I have a 13 yr old granddaughter who believes she is 21. She is constantly telling her mother (my daughter) that she is a 'bad mom', because my daughter can't buy her everything she wants, and because dd asks her to help around the apartment. DD is a single mom after 12 years of marriage...she works full-time ($8.50 hr) and also goes to college full-time while also doing her precept work (required for her course work)at a shelter for abused women. I love my granddaughter, but for the sake of my dd's mental health, I believe gd should go stay with her father for a few months so she can finally appreciate what her 'bad mom' is trying to do for her.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-35024286787702015002010-04-16T17:15:36.338-05:002010-04-16T17:15:36.338-05:00That was so smart to bring up that you had the rec...That was so smart to bring up that you had the receipt and could take it back. I would have been to flustered by her behavior but you are a pro. Way to stand your ground with grace and composure.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-51105914747790243042010-04-16T14:31:50.854-05:002010-04-16T14:31:50.854-05:00O My! Has your daughter been hanging out with my ...O My! Has your daughter been hanging out with my 19 year old (who also has FAE)? Maybe they read the same "25 Ways to Get Your Parents" handbook?<br /><br />I think you handled it just fine even though I generally agree with Anon about taking the DVD player back. In my house, it was the "privilege to use the item" that was lost, not the actual item (which would go into my locked closet for whatever period of time I'd chosen).<br /><br />Dog--reasoning with a child/teen with FAE works, but only after the 1,642nd time!Grace.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03557395027685855901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-66455025509549871542010-04-16T13:04:11.960-05:002010-04-16T13:04:11.960-05:00I don't even know what a PCA is, and this is a...I don't even know what a PCA is, and this is awful.<br /><br />I wonder what it would be like you actually had a father to help you, or maybe it would be the same.<br /><br />Why does no one in your house accept any responsibility except you??DogAteMyFinanceshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02571124283388079010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-36605242021853054842010-04-16T10:48:48.782-05:002010-04-16T10:48:48.782-05:00I think that once a child is given something it be...I think that once a child is given something it belongs to them and therefore it shouldn't be returned to the store as a form of punishment. However, disrespect is not OK and so I think you should take it away from her until she shows you she is sorry.<br />You're right; her behavior is that of a much younger child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-32514602582692632322010-04-16T09:38:21.355-05:002010-04-16T09:38:21.355-05:00I was at Target and this child was screaming. Just...I was at Target and this child was screaming. Just intermittent bursts of screaming and after about 30 minutes I realize it has stopped. (Thank God.) Then I see the mother opening a box on popsicles in the freezer section. I appreciated the mom making my shopping experience more pleasurable, but that kid's going to be a nightmare. Can you imagine the mess?<br /><br />You know you're doing the right thing. I like Perphila's idea of a mantra.Elizabeth A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06741728597715923701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-7357988561209081312010-04-15T21:38:47.920-05:002010-04-15T21:38:47.920-05:00Good job mom!Good job mom!Annie @ The Upended Buffet Tablehttp://unendedbuffettable.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-2256756343640456412010-04-15T21:25:08.085-05:002010-04-15T21:25:08.085-05:00Don't give in. I know that at times you are ju...Don't give in. I know that at times you are just so tired of it you want to cave. I have a friend who tells me when I have stuff like this that happens with Connor to let it all slide off like water on a ducks back. So sometimes when I get beat down by words and insulted or guilt tripped I think "quack, quack" in my head. My own personal mantra...:) You can do this.perphilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17191514151838436492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-46812659284016988272010-04-15T21:06:02.436-05:002010-04-15T21:06:02.436-05:00All you can do is not give in and try not you take...All you can do is not give in and try not you take it personally. BTDT- it's not easy.GB's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08866513131959998883noreply@blogger.com