tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post6272959618795776468..comments2023-10-12T02:44:19.333-05:00Comments on My mentally ill life: Why I don't leave my bipolar husbandCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13675829827137657056noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-53382648522126902052014-05-19T10:38:22.393-05:002014-05-19T10:38:22.393-05:00You’re such an inspiration, Carol. Others would’ve...You’re such an inspiration, Carol. Others would’ve considered leaving their husband were they in a situation like yours. I must agree that his condition should not be the reason to leave him. What will happen to “for better or worse”, if you’d just leave him alone when the "worse" comes along? Anyway, I hope you are doing well. I wish you great health today and for each day ahead!<br /><br /><a href="https://plus.google.com/117947231351982259784/about" rel="nofollow">Bill Cameron</a><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08201359496828356636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-9396779275363264062010-10-25T13:30:46.823-05:002010-10-25T13:30:46.823-05:00I don't think DH is threatening, blackmailing ...I don't think DH is threatening, blackmailing or manipulating.<br /><br />I completely understand how he feels. When you're mostly dependent on one person for support, emotional or otherwise, then yeah, all he is saying, he doesn't know what he'd do without you. I find nothing manipulative in that. Especially in someone with a serious mental illness. It's how I feel about my husband. And heaven forbid he share these thoughts in the depths of depression. Geez, it's almost like feelings of worthlessness, self blame and death are symptoms!<br /><br />Maybe Carol does "deserve" a better mate, but DH didn't deserve developing this disease. It sucks no matter which way you look at it. <br /><br />Y'all act like he should just snap out of it and if he just took his drugs he'd be all better. Well, you're wrong.Elizabeth A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06741728597715923701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-34201635029676359932010-10-25T08:54:54.428-05:002010-10-25T08:54:54.428-05:00I'm sorry you've had such a struggle with ...I'm sorry you've had such a struggle with your DH. One of my BILs is bipolar and I know how wrenching it can be to have to deal with the irrationality, anger and paranoia. BIL is very envious of my DH and he refuses all invitations for us to get together because he makes comparisons between what we have accomplished and what he has. He keeps his two daughters away from us, and that makes DH and me sad. We send them gifts for their birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Halloween and so forth but we never get any indication that the girls receive any of it. <br />It's not a good situation.<br />I wouldn't say I have a "dream" marriage because that term fails to take into account how hard DH and I worked to achieve what we have, both financially and emotionally. Believe me, I know we are fortunate indeed and i am very grateful.<br />All I know about your situation is what I read in your posts. A blog is a good place to vent with anonymity but it is by no means the whole picture. Judging solely by what you've written about your relationship with your DH it sounds like things around your house are unusually difficult and stressful. I can't imagine living under those conditions but I am not you. <br />You're a very bright, compassionate, hard-working, loyal person. There are probably dozens of men who would be thrilled to be married to someone like you. If you're like most women you may be over critical of your physical appearance. If so, you shouldn't be. I've know several men who divorced very beautiful women who made their lives hell and settled down happily with women who were average looking.<br />Anyway, you've stated your position very well. I hope that your DH becomes motivated to take better care of himself and to pitch in more around the house. IMHO threatening to kill himself if you leave is cheap manipulation. As I've said before, you deserve better than what you have right now and I hope that someday you have the kind of life that you deserve..Miz Kizzlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05650747741395559803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-51850717840663823042010-10-24T21:31:59.066-05:002010-10-24T21:31:59.066-05:00Yeah, what Perphila said!
In addition... Thank yo...Yeah, what Perphila said!<br /><br />In addition... Thank you for sharing your struggle, your rational, and your love. You are taking the hardest road ever and I commend you. <br />You did say, "....we fight fair. When we disagree, we don't bring up the past. We don't do name-calling. We don't "hit below the belt" and take jabs at the other person's weak spots...DH is very tolerant and accepting. He never criticizes me." I have to concur with your sentiments that you are fortunate in that regard as some of us take a lifetime to learn how to do that, if at all. :(Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04440694520775692850noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-40205456499886583572010-10-24T13:49:45.403-05:002010-10-24T13:49:45.403-05:00I complain a lot too in my blog. I also don't ...I complain a lot too in my blog. I also don't want to drag my family and neighbors more than they already are by Sean's behaviors. Sometimes you have to say something when you are confronted with well meaning questions and it is hard to see the looks of disbelief and pity you get. The kids too are around me most of the time and that limits what I can say. Therapy is great but not often enough sometimes for me to be able to vent when I need to in order to put the smile on my face I need to have for the children and myself.<br /><br />I also despite the venting and hurt and anger still love Sean. It's pretty deep and hard to let go. I took my vows seriously as well and would have stayed with him even after all he did. With him gone maybe I have come further faster in my own growth than if he was here but even when he was here I was determined to help myself and was already starting therapy in order to do that. Sean didn't ask for his bipolar and I stayed with him for years not even knowing that was what his problem was. It's because he isn't helping himself I get so resentful now. No meds, no pdoc just his determination that this is "his time". Most of the things I loved him for and stayed with him for are no longer a part of who he is anymore. I can't say if this is how he has changed as a person or if it is the untreated bipolar. If I were married to him now it would be extremely difficult despite my vows to stay. I completely understand your reasoning because mine was the same. The only thing you should maybe think about more it the idea that he might hurt himself if you left. Sean did that do me as well. "I don't know where I would be if you weren't here, probably dead.", "If it weren't for you and the kids I would have no reason to live.", "I'm worthless.", the list goes on. It is blackmail. I know you wouldn't want to take the chance but it really isn't your responsibility. It's the mind knowing it and the heart accepting it that is the hard part. Don't let that at least be a reason to stay if you are miserable.perphilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17191514151838436492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-68426018920295833072010-10-24T09:40:48.921-05:002010-10-24T09:40:48.921-05:00Very well written.
I do the angry part too. Why ...Very well written. <br /><br />I do the angry part too. Why in the world was I so upset? And I have my husband to remind me. This sounds demeaning, but since we also fight fair, I trust him. And if he tells me I'm acting irrationally, I should take a clonzepam and take a bath, and go to bed, I believe him. <br /><br />And your "complaining" is part of why I love your blog. It reminds me of what it is to be on my husband's side of the fence. And why I have an alarm for 7:00 pm to remind me to take my meds. <br /><br />I'm seriously beginning to think "dream houses" ruin marriages.Elizabeth A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06741728597715923701noreply@blogger.com