tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post1086186867751439016..comments2023-10-12T02:44:19.333-05:00Comments on My mentally ill life: That guy back againCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13675829827137657056noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-86606886529592554392008-01-18T16:09:00.000-06:002008-01-18T16:09:00.000-06:00Carol, After commenting I went back and read most ...Carol, <BR/><BR/>After commenting I went back and read most of your blog, and it really affected me. It was like re-living a lot of what happened with my brother. People experience bipolar very differently. I am highly functional, and have very mild "up" phases - they mostly result in not needing a lot of sleep and getting overly irritable. Thank god, I have never gone on a spending spree or done any of the insane (literally, I guess) stuff that my brother did. I'm on meds and I'm happy to stay on them for the rest of my life. I started having depressions a long time ago - possibly more than 20 years ago - and they got gradually worse over time, as did my ups. I had a long time to figure out what was going on with me and to figure out coping strategies before things got too bad. I am also lucky not to have had a lot of the more severe symptoms my brother had.<BR/><BR/>DH much more resembles my brother (please don't think that means that he won't make it or that he has no chance of getting better - it doesn't). My brother was completely normal, thrifty, and not a drug user, until he was about 25. And then everything happened at once. It would take another blog to describe it all to you, but having read yours, I know you are familiar with the symptoms I am talking about. A person in this state will do things they would never condone in their former life, and just when you think the worst has happened they do something even more unimaginable.<BR/><BR/>I think that if we e-mailed I could be of some help to you, just because having a brother, rather than a husband, I have a little more distance from the relationship. I am struggling not to give you advice. I know that every caregiver has to take her own path and make her own decisions, and that bipolar varies widely from one person to another. If you don't want to hear my thoughts, I am happy just to read you, root for you, and offer the occasional comment of support. But it seems to me that you could use a friend, and I think after all this time it would not be so bad for me to process my feelings on what happened in my situation, either. If you want to get in touch, you can find me at IrisMoonbeam AT gmail DOT com. (And no, my name isn't that wacky - it's just an old joke, so I use it on the internet.) If you don't want to, I will not be offended in any way, so don't worry.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13206898813419198030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2339974062095553185.post-63102506538986381852008-01-18T09:20:00.000-06:002008-01-18T09:20:00.000-06:00Before you even got to the part about Jim recogniz...Before you even got to the part about Jim recognizing your feelings, I knew that you really needed someone to. You are in a really tough situation. You are the only caretakers in a house full of people who need a lot of care. I know that you know that it isn't their fault. But the fact is you still need to have someone, anyone, acknowledge you.<BR/><BR/>I am bipolar and my brother was as well, before his death 6 years ago. After I lost my brother, I went into one of the worst depressions I've ever had. My husband (at that time my live-in boyfriend) did everything for six months. And then one day he sat me down and said that although he understood what was happening to me and that I had little or nothing to give, he had needs, too, and regardless of whether those needs were more pressing, they were still there and he was suffering. This made all the difference for me. I turned a corner in how I managed my own disease and found a way to care for him, if only in little ways, even in the absolute worst of times. He deserved that, and you do, too. It was extremely helpful for me, too, because it pushed me to find a way to care during depressions, in addition to staying functional during them.<BR/><BR/>Your husband may not be at the level of understanding that I was at that time. It sounds like this just hit a few years ago, and that he may very well not yet be able to make that kind of change. (Sadly, some people will never be able to change, but it doesn't sound like you are at that point, either.) I am not suggesting that you try to convince him to see to your needs at this point in time. He may not be able to. But do try to recognize them yourself, and to make relationships with people who do. You have needs - for love, for things of your own - and they aren't going to go anywhere. You need to be easy on yourself, have a good cry, and acknowledge that you are missing something - hopefully find some way to find it.<BR/><BR/>If we knew each other I would send you a case of candy bars, and a fridge with a combination lock! You will just have to accept virtual candy for now. Oh, and as for candy - next time don't tell him - just secretly squirrel some away in the back of the freezer. It's alright.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13206898813419198030noreply@blogger.com