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Friday, August 5, 2011

DH just quit his job.

I know all of you will probably wonder how on earth he managed to stay employed as long as he did, but he's been getting slack(er) about doing things to keep his mental health stable, and last night he had a rough night at work and walked out.

He said it wasn't until he was driving home that he realized the consequence(s) of doing that.  And now I'm really scared, although I've been here before.....

He thinks that maybe if he calls his manager and explains, maybe they'll let him come back....but he's also been missing a lot of work due to health related stuff, because he doesn't do what the doctors tell him to do..... so maybe the casino is happy to be rid of him....I don't know!!!  I'll hope that maybe he can talk someone into giving him another chance...

If that doesn't work, then my next thought is to call the agency for mentally ill people that helped him get this job and see if maybe they can advocate for him....there are so few jobs where we live, that if this "sticks", it could be a long time before he works again....

And of course in the meantime I've got the husband sayin "I'm so worthless, I always do stupid stuff like that, I'm a piece of sh**...." and all I want to do is throttle him because any way I look at it, decisions he made caused this.

I'll keep you posted.

5 comments:

Grace. said...

I'm guessing the hardest part of your life, with both your husband and your daughter, is constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. No matter how good things get, there is the continued concern that their illness or behaviors mandate that nothing can last. I am so sorry you are going through all of this.

Miss Kitty said...

Grace said it so well; always waiting for the other shoe to drop is exhausting. (I know because that's been my life too.)

For years I've struggled with various mental health and neurochemistry issues, and only in the last couple years do I feel as if I've really started making progress. Part of it was finally getting medication that slowed down my racing mind long enough so I could actually see the patterns I was creating. But I guess the other part was that at several different points along the way, I've decided that I've finally had enough of screwing things up for myself. I realized I had to keep my eyes open (so to speak) and observe what I was doing ALL the time in order to get better and get along with other people. In some ways I guess you could say I "hit bottom" as might an addict who decides to go into rehab. I reached a point where I had to change how I (re)acted, and where I had to realize that it's not all about me, and that these swirling, churning emotions are just temporary, and I don't have to act on them (and usually shouldn't).

I say all this because I often wonder about folks like DH and your daughter, and how they do or don't happen to get on the path to getting better. Bipolar is one of the hardest conditions to treat/live with, from what I've observed; I wonder whether there's a support group for people with mentally ill family members, kind of like Al-Anon for the families of alcoholics. Al-Anon helped me regain my sanity after I left my alcoholic ex-husband, and still helps me deal today with the alcoholics I know and love.

Though it might seem weird, take care of you right now. Only so much you can do for DH; whether he ever sees it or not, he's an adult and responsible for all his actions, with or without a DSM diagnosis. The HKC critters and I send love and hugs your way. (((BIG HUGS)))

perphila said...

You knew it was only a matter of time but I'm sure that does little to help. The casino may not have been the best place for DH anyway. With limited job choices though losing anything will be a problem. You're proactive ideas of what to do next are really great. Maybe if you casually drop the therapy idea every day to DH he might think going is HIS idea...:)

Anonymous said...

Your life is what I am afraid of. My husband has already threatened to quit his job several times, and one day he actually DID walk out. AND he has missed so much time at work that he is actually being "talked to". Somehow in all of this is has managed to have affairs outside of our marriage for the last three years. We have been married for ten, by year two I knew something was wrong and tried to get him help. He would not take the medication that was prescribed. Only since last year has he finally started taking meds, but I dont think he is taking the main one he needs. I think he has been lying. And he tells me to my face that he is lazy, and thinks he will be always so. Yet at the same time he demands that I submit to him as he is the head of the house as the Church proclaims. My pursuit of medical school has been called selfish, evn though he knew I was going to eventually go to medical school before he even proposed to me. And lastly there is a child involved. ON many occasions he has said to me that he wants a divorce, that he needed a softer kind of woman that he only stayed for our son (of course he claims to remember none of this). So last year he says he wants a divorce, that he knows he has hurt me (infidelity) but he doesnt want to wait around for me to heal, he wants to have lots of sex and he wants it now, so the best thing for him to do is start over with someone else (all his words). Now these last two months, AGAIN he has changed his mind. But, knowing he has brought women in my house an had sex IN my bed with strangers, and God only knows what my son has seen, and knowing over 90% of marriages with BP spouses end in divorce AND knowing that 100% of bipolars go off their meds eventually....who is the fool? Looks like I am. I would be a fool to consider staying. But everything is ruined. We lost our land, we are losing our houses, I am about to melt down my 401K to survive. And I know, if it were not for having a child with him i would have left a long time ago, so how can i think of working it out? I fear it is a pipe dream and a one way ticket to Hell. I am sorry for your Hell. I am in my mid-30s, I would like to live the rest of my life in peace with someone stable. Dont you think you deserve that?

Miss Kitty said...

Anonymous, you have all the evidence you need to divorce your husband's sorry a** and take everything he's got. Bipolar or not, he's treating you worse than dirt, and staying with him "for your son" is only showing your son that it's OK to treat women like dirt. I hope you'll be able to move on and find peace without him. Sounds like you're already in hell and have hit bottom...and there's nowhere to go but UP, to a peaceful and fulfilling life without him in it. He's too focused on himself to give a crap about you...and he's using the Church to rationalize everything he's doing wrong.

Sending you thoughts & prayers, and hoping you get out while you still have a shred of sanity left...